Why Now?
by Sounni
Summary: They are each others weaknesses. Will it be their downfall?
1. Wondering

Title: Why Now?

By: Sounni

Rating: PG to PG17

Pairing: Sheppard/Weir

Disclaimers: I own absolutely nothing exspecially anything to do with the Stargate Universe

Spoilers: Season 1 and Season 2

Why now?

Why here?

Why her?

These were the questions that John Sheppard asked himself over and over again! Maybe if he had met her in a different time and a different place they could be more than they were now. His relationship with Elizabeth Weir was complicated and had recently become a little awkward. Neither knew just what to say to the other when they were alone, sticking strictly to business. Neither wanting to cross the invisible line that they both knew was there.

John didn't know what had changed to make their relationship become so uncomfortable. He thought they were more than just co-workers, friends even. If he admitted it to himself he wished that they would become more than just simple friends. These thoughts about Elizabethhad been occuring more and more but he made sure that he acted no different when around her. He didn't think that he had stepped over the line she had carefully drawn between what was professional and what was personal. He had felt her pulling away from him recently and he put it down to this 'thing' that was between them. She confided in him less and usually only talked business when around him, John gathered it was her was of protecting herself.

Rubbing his eyes, John slowly got up out of bed. Pulling his boots on he got ready for the 0900 briefing scheduled for his team. His eyebrows furrowed as he realised he would have to sit through the meeting with her not look at him properly and when she did, stare at him with indifferent eyes, like he didn't mean anything to her.

Looking at his watch, he scowled. "Damn…I'm late!"

Running out in to the Atlantis corridors he sprinted towards the briefing room. ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth Weir sat in the briefing room clicking her fingernails in a rhythm across the table. He was late! She stared at the others around the table and knew that they didn't really care but to her it was like he was challenging her authority. She knew he didn't do it intentionally but lately it had begun to irritate her and she wasn't sure why.

Deciding not to wait any longer she was about to begin when John came jogging through the control room. Against her will, her pulse started racing. Her heart never failed to beat faster when she seen him and this unnerved her. His hair tousled like always and that grin plastered on his face melted away the anger she felt in a heartbeat but 'No' she told herself 'I need to act professional, take the proper course of action'

"Sorry I'm late…I…" John trailed off as he caught the look in Elizabeth's eyes.

"It's alright Colonel, take a seat. Just make sure it doesn't happen again," she said in a tone that was perhaps a little more harsh than she meant it to be.

"Yes Ma'am," he replied before sitting in his usual seat.

"Lets start shall we?" Elizabeth queried glancing around the briefing room.

Rodney leant back in his chair and started to detail the next mission. "Okay, we sent a malp to LX5 421 and got some promising readings. Energy readings to be more specific. I think that there may be a good chance a zed pm is on this planet!"

The moment those words left his mouth everybodies attention perked up. Elizabeth lent forward resting her chin in the palm of her hand, "Okay, I'm all ears. What do you suggest?" she inquired, her mind racing with all of the possibilities that a ZPM could bring to Atlantis.

Atlantis ran at peak performance with three ZPM's; at present they did not even have one and were vunerable to attack. Rodney smirked knowing that this information would raise the spirits of everyone in Atlantis. Since the ZPM that the Daedalus had delivered to them was depleted, everybody feared that the Wraith would somehow know and return. They all felt that they were just biding time until the Wraith realized that Atlantis was still here and came in even bigger forces than before.

"I think just a simple reconnaissance mission to begin with and if we find something then we'll move from there." Rodney said

Though John had been listening to what Rodney had been saying, the brunette sitting across from him held his interest. Every so often, he would sneak glances at her. He tried to be discreet but sometimes she would catch him and just as quickly as he had looked he would glance away.

Elizabeth could feel John's eyes on her and she secretly enjoyed knowing that he was watching her. Though things had become uneasy between them recently, this had been happening for a while. Every concealed glance, every accidental touch, every silent moment sent butterflies soaring around her stomach and electricity jolting through her body. She sometimes wondered if John felt the same gut wrenching feeling she felt. It was hard to ignore but she tried her best not to be pulled in to far.

Rodney's voice asking permission for the mission go ahead knocked her out of her reverie and she stumbled for an answer, finally mumbling for him to get a team together.

John stared at her with curious eyes from across the table, watching as she tried to determine every type of problem that could go wrong with this mission. He caught her glancing at him but as soon as he caught her eyes, she looked away. A thrill shot threw him because he knew that her eyes sought him out in the room as she walked in. He also got a buzz every time their eyes connected for just that fraction of a second longer than it should and when their hands lingered on an object that little bit longer. He knew that these types of thoughts and feelings were highly inappropriate, even more so now that the connection with Earth was stronger. Parties interested only for personel gain were observing every decision he and Elizabeth made. They were just waiting for a slip up.

"Colonel…Colonel are you listening?" Teyla enquired as a faint smirk appeared on her face. Everybody wondered about what their relationship was, were they just friends? Or were they more than friends? John knew that they had never progressed passed the plutonic stage but didn't really care what people around Atlantis thought. Years of military training in how to be indifferent had paid off he thought to himself.

"Okay, it sounds like what your asking for is reasonable. You depart at 0900 tomorrow. Dismissed." Elizabeth commanded. As everybody left, she noticed that John was still sitting in his seat perhaps not even noticing the now empty room. She stood and wandered around to where he was, positioning herself on the table in front of him.

"Are you okay John?" She asked in a quiet tone.

Startled John looked up. "Huh? Yeah I'm fine."

"You seem a bit distant today. Anything you want to share?"

"I was just thinking what it would be like if we were still stranded out here, no contact with Earth. Just Us?" John answered her. In a way he wished that they hadn't made contact with Earth, that the SGC wasn't watching them like hawks.

"I think I know what you mean." Elizabeth answered, "Things have been different lately."

"Yeah. A lot more pressure." John replied solemnly.Between them things had changed since he left for the suicide mission. He had seen the look in her eyes as he told her he had to go, he knew the same look had been reflected in his. Then when the Daedalus transported him back to Atlantis and she threw herself into his arms, he knew that he wanted more than just friendship from her but he also knew that she was tough and would stand by the regulations even if they were set by her. Things were not exactly awkward he thought; they were just new. He felt awareness when he was around her, a magnetic pull that had him always seeking her out and he knew that this feeling was trouble.

"I sometimes feel that there are people everywhere, watching, waiting for me to make some mistake." Elizabeth confided softly.

John looked up at her, "I know Caldwell has been applying pressure, but your better than he is. Hold on" he prompted. Elizabeth looked out the window to where people were working in the control room.

The silence hung between them and he looked up and caught her eye, just looking into them and for the life of him he couldn't look away. The moment was broken when they heard Rodney muttering to himself, and then he appeared in the doorway, "Ah...just the two people I wanted to see."

"What is it Rodney?" Elizabeth asked

"Ah nothing really, just wanted someone to talk to about the potential a ZPM could have for us again. We barely scratched the surface with the last one before it ran out and then there is the……" he rambled before breaking off. Looking at John and Elizabeth he said, "It can wait." and backed out of the briefing room.

"Sometimes I just can't figure him out!" John smirked. Elizabeth just smiled and gathered up all of her notes and belongings and headed towards the door.

"Make sure your not late tomorrow!" she threw over her shoulder as she left.

John watched her retreating back and knew that whatever was between them that he was in trouble. Big trouble.

0900 – Next Morning

The team stood in the gate room waiting for Doctor Weir to give them the alright to go.

John looked around at all the gear they were taking and gave Rodney an unpleasant glare.

"So did you really think it was necessary NOT to take a puddle jumper?" John said slightly raising his voice.

"We don't need it. The readings are coming from just near the gate."

"Ahh but you know how lazy I really am." John replied jokingly. Rodney shook his head and moved over to where Ronon and Teyla were gathering their gear. They were standing with two Lt's that would be joining this mission for experience. Smith and Jones had both come from the Daedalous' last dispatch. Both had yet to go out in the field and Elizabeth thought it a good idea if they learned from his team. Rodney of course had protested about not wanting to babysit but Elizabeth just shook her head and ordered them to take the new recruits out on their next mission.

From the control room Elizabeth looked out over the team and then out to the gate, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Since John's team had began going out on missions she had worried, it was natural to worry about ones people right? She shook her head as she realized that it was much more than that, that these gut wrenching feelings were more extreme whenever Johns team went out. It was as if he was a magnet for trouble, nearly every mission almost ended in disaster or things just weren't what they seemed.

"Dr Weir, Do we have a go?" Rodneys voice made her realise she was staring into space and she looked around sheepishly. "Yes, You have a go." She spoke to the team as she turned around to order the dialling of the gate.

The gate opened and the team started heading out, as she did with every mission, she whispered "Be Safe". Somehow she knew this time was different, that something was wrong. 'God your just paranoid' she told herself but no matter how much she gave herself reassurance that everything was going to be alright, the feeling of dread just didn't shake.

John looked around the planet; crumbling ruins were right in front of him. He had to admit that he didn't find it nearly as fascinating as Rodney and the others did. He though was still amazed at the fact that this was another planet. That thought made him feel foolish but it was true no matter how many planets he had visited, he still felt the rush as he stepped through the Stargate.

"Hey, I think I've got something!" Rodney yelled out.

"Smith and Jones go with him and check it out, make sure he doesn't do something stupid." John ordered the new recruits.

John knew that he should probably go see what Rodney wanted but he just couldn't bring himself to listen to the scientist at the moment. His thoughts were back in Atlantis. He was confused. He didn't know exactly what was going on between himself and the city leader, something was there but he knew that Elizabeth would never let her defenses drop enough to explore it. In a way that angered him, that potential happiness could be denied so easily. He was knocked out of his thoughts by a rock hitting the tree behind him.

"Sheppard, what are you doing" Ronon grinned. He and Teyla had just returned from checking out the perimeter around the gate. John thought he must have looked pretty weird just standing there staring out into space. Just as he was about to answer he heard Rodneys voice through his earpiece. 'what now?' he thought.

"Colonel, you need to get over here RIGHT now!" Rodney shouted. John heard the urgency in Rodneys voice, turning he told Teyla and Ronon to remain behind.

Realising he sounded desperate and worried, Johnran over there as fast as he could skidding to a stop as he seen them. "What is it McKay?" he asked.

"There is something seriusly wrong with this situation." Rodney explained. "This is not a ZedPM." he continued, indicating to the box on the ground.

"I can see that! What is it then?" John asked in a don't mess around with me tone.

"I don't know?" Rodney said looking stunned, "It is mimicking every reading a zedpm gives out but as you can see, its not one!".

"Okay, I think we need to take this and leave now." John commanded, flicking his radio he directed the gate to be dialled immediately and for everyone to go through.

"Pack it up Rodney." John directed, "and fast, something isn't right here!"

Rodney nodded and started shoving all his gear back into his bag.

"Colonel, there is movement in the bushes" Teylas voice crackled through the radio

"Take up defensive positions, hold the gate area we'll be there in a minute" John replied his eyes darting warily in all directions.

This is what he was trained for: Tactics, Combat and Sensing danger. At the moment the hairs were standing up on the back of his neck and he could feel that something was up. Gunfire cracked like a whip throughout the air and John started running faster. "Teyla?" he yelled into the radio. "Colonel, we are being ambushed by the Genii." she panted back, "Lt's Smith and Jones are back in Atlantis. Just myself and Ronon remain behind to assi…." Her voice cut off.

"The Genii?" Rodney looked stunned, "Our problems just got significantly worse".

John and Rodney slowly crept behind some trees, peering into the clearing where the stargate was situated. Straining his neck John searched for the remainder of his team, his eyes scanning slowly back and forth until he found them kneeling on the ground with Genii surrounding them. Scenarios flashing through his head, John started to plan a strategy. He suddenly felt the cool metal of a gun barrell against the back of his neck. "Ahhh Major Sheppard, so nice to see you again." the voice that he had dreaded to hear again reached his ears.

"Kolya?"

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	2. Old Friends

"Its Colonel Sheppard now." John whipped back. He knew nowthat the Genii had engineered everything; they knew that the desire to get a functional ZPM was top of Atlantis' list, that they needed power and would go after any lead. It worked he thought sourly, shaking his head they had fallen straight into the trap.

"Colonel Sheppard, we knew **you **would come!" Kolya drawled.

"Now you have us, what are you going to do with us?" John replied, trying to figure a way out. They were outnumbered but not overly so, maybe they could….he let his thoughts trail off as Kolya grabbed the front of his neck for a moment before letting go.

"You know what we want!" Kolya spoke in quiet yet menacing tones.

"C4, medical supplies…the list goes on doesn't it?" John growled back.

"Yes." Kolya conceeded before continuing. "I want Atlantis but also to make you suffer."He leered, leaning in closer.

'Oh Ohhh.' John thought.

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Sitting in her office Elizabeth tried to read the report in front of her but she just couldn't focus. Something wasn't right, something just didn't sit well with her.

Just as she was going through the possibilities the gate activated. Her gut twisted as she thought of all the potential problems. She strode out of her office and into the control room. "Are we receiving an IDC?" she probed.

"Not yet Ma'am." the technician answered her.

"Wait, its Colonel Sheppard's team!"

"Lower the shield" Elizabeth commanded her fear jumping into her throat and making the words sound choked. 'get a grip' she told herself, 'there was no danger involved in this mission, its probably just an update'.

That illusion was dispelled when thetwomarines barreled through the gate, gunfire following them. The gate shut down automatically when they were through and Elizabeth quickly scanned the room. Where was John?

She wanted to run down the stairs but convinced herself to keep her calm and just walk fast.

Elizabeth reached the gate room, hereyes automaticallydarting around for the Colonel.

Lt Jones approached her from the right. Looking at the Atlantian leader he soaked up her worried features. She seemed to be always like this, and hewas surprised she didn't have anxiety attacks.Cringing slightly he knew shewasn't going to like what he had to tell her.

Elizabeth watched the Lt stride towards her, and the feeling of dread continued. "Lt, What happened out there?" she whispered.

"It was an ambush mam, the Genii wer…"

"The Genii?' she cut him off mid sentence her voice suddenly getting louder.

"Yes Ma'm" he nodded before continuing.

"The Colonel ordered us back through the gate, they were supposed to be following us. Permission to put together a rescue team?"Jones asked.

The bravery the military personal showed never ceased to amaze her. She glanced towards the gate and back to the Lt, knowing if she did nothing then the rest of her team would probably not return. "Assmeble a rescue team, but i want Major Lorne to head it up." Jones nodded understanding that he had limited experience with the enemy and this galaxy. "Your doing the right thing." Jones added before turning around and walking off.

She hoped so...

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John hoped that the men that returned to Atlantis were getting reinforcements. He hoped but he wasn't sure, Elizabeth was always wary when deciding whether to risk any more people until she knew the facts.

"You've got me, let the rest of my team go." John protested, stalling for time until he could think of something.

The gate started dialling and Kolyaturned around for a moment, a moment was all John needed to catch him off guard. Calling to Mckay, "Let'sgo," he shoved Kolya to the ground and grabbed his weapon. Rodney started running praying that it was their side that were dialling the gate.

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"Major, Good Luck. Bring them back in one piece…that's an order!" Weir commanded as the gate dialled LX5 421.

She knew that all members of this expedition were the finest in their field and that included military personel also but this self reassurance didn't stop her heart beating erratically everytime a team went out or was stranded, exspecially Johns team. 'Don't go there" she told herself 'its not right' but no matter how many times she told herself it just didn't help. His team was a magnet for trouble, even if it was a peaceful negotiation for food. That's how they had become enemies with the Genii Elizabeth thought bitterly.

The gate whooshed as it linked to the other planet and Major Lorne's team moved into a strike formation. She knew they were waiting for her confirmation so she gave it to them, "Bring them back".

"Yes Ma'm!"Lorne responded before giving the command to move out.

"Bring him back." she whispered to herself.

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John darted behind some trees before activating his earpiece. "Teyla, make a break for it. Its your only chance". From where he was positioned he could see the rest of his team take down the Genii guarding them and scamper off into the bushes.

Rodney came up beside him and said, "Atlanits?"

"How loud do you need to be." John hissed back shaking his head.

"Sorry." Rodney whispered back, "Well?"

"I hope so." John replied.

John heard gunfire and felt a pang of relief as he realised it was coming from a P-90.

"Lets go McKay." he ordered, "Stay close."

John crept around looking for Kolya but it was like he had vanished. Something wasn't right but he shrugged it off and made a run for the gate, Mckay following closely behind.

They arrived at the DHD to see Teyla, Ronon and a few marines run out from the treelines. The gunfire had ceased and John scanned around for the reinforcements to seeMajor Lorneand his team approach.

When they were all togetherJohn asked ,"What just happened here?"

"Sir, when we came out of the gate there was little resistence and then they just fled." Lorne shrugged

"Why go to all the trouble of setting us up just to let us go easily?" Rodney queried.

"I don't know but lets get back to Atlantis." John ordered his mind still trying to figure out why their escape was so easy. Kolya wasn't one to have over looked anything exspecially reinforcements. The gate opened and the IDC was sent.

"Lets go home" he directed wearily as they made towards the gate.

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Kolya and his men watched from the bushes as Sheppard's team went through the gate.

He would have his revenge he vowed...sooner rather than later...he would find a way to get back at John Sheppard...To make him hurt.


	3. How It Is

Elizabeth watched from her office as the gate activated, praying that it was the rescue team. All she felt like doing was running down the stairs, being the first one to greet them but she knew she couldn't. Instead, she slowly made her way into the control room and asked if they had received any signal.

"Colonel Sheppards IDC, Dr Weir." the technician informed her happily.

Makingher way slowly down the stairs, the men started to come through the gate. She waited for him to come through, just knowing he was safe would be enough she told herself then she could go back to work.

John was the last to come through the gate. As soon as he was safely back in Atlantis, his eyes darted around looking for her.He knew he shouldn't but he couldn't help himself. His eyes sought her out almost immediately. Standing at the bottom of the steps, she looked a picture of professionalism as she talked to Major Lorne. It was as if she felt his eyes on her because she looked up and their gaze locked for a moment before she quickly looked away.

John sauntered over to her just as she finished up with Taylor. "Colonel, welcome home." she whispered before turning and walking back up the stairs. He wanted to grab her and pull her back to him, wrap his arms…'No John, don't even think like that.' he told himself. Watching her gohe felt like she had put a barrier up between them in the time he had been gone. What he couldn't understand was why?

As she climbed the stairs, she turned back and said briskly, "Debriefing in one hour."

'Enough time to get cleaned up,' he thought before stridding of to his quarters.

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Elizabeth watched his retreating back and cursed herself for acting the way she just did. When she had finally seen him come through the gate physically fine the relief had washed over her. She cared about the other members too but this was different, stronger and it scared her. She only felt this when John came through the gate and it made her feel guilty. So she forced herself to act indifferent, she had to cut these feelings off at the knees before they started interfering with her judgement.

John walked out of the briefing more confused than ever. For over an hour he had tried to catch her eye but each time she looked away, he just didn't understand or maybe he did.He realised that after dangerous missions she tended to become distantand finally he put it down anxiety, she was worried he hadn't been coming back. 'She's just doing what I don't want to do,' he thought. 'Shutting me out before this 'thing' between us develops into something else.'

He wandered over to her office wanting to…he didn't reallyknow what he wanted but he just had to talk to her, understand where she was coming from.

He lazed against the door frame just watching her for a moment before knocking. Like always she had piles of paperwork on her desk that she would attempt to get through. 'Here goes nothing' John thought before stepping into the room.

Elizabeth heard the knock but didn't look up, she knew who it was. He walked slowly over and lowered himself into the seat on the otherside of her desk.Glancing up she caught him staring at her.

"Colonel Sheppard! What can I do for you?" she said in her professional voice.

"Elizabeth, what's with the rank?" John enquired.

"Nothing...but that'swho you are to me." she murmered avoiding his eyes.

"Is it really?" he asked, his tone also soft

What does he want me to say she thought. 'I need to be tough, keep it professional.I'm his boss'

"What do you want me to say John? I am your boss." she stated louder than what she had met to. Johns head snapped up and his eyes clouded over.

"Okay, if that's how you want it." he shrugged, trying to make it look as if he didn't really care.

"John, there will always be this barrier between us." she said quietly, trying to gauge his reaction.

He looked at her for a moment and thenstood, "I guess so. I'll see you later?" he said as he strode out.

"John…" she called after him, but he didn't even look back and that hurt. She lent forward and rested her head on her desk, feeling a headache coming on. What was she doing? This 'thing' growing between them was getting dangerous and she knew (well hoped) it wasn't one sided.

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John stormed out of Elizabeth's office, his mind racing with what she had said. He thought they had more than just a professional relationship, a friendship even. No. They could have even more than that! All the secret looks, lingering touches, it wasn't just on his side was it?

He needed to cool off, get his thoughts together before he went back and tried to find out exactly what she was thinking and why she was doing this. He knew she had to be strong, had to be indifferent, in control. It was a given for any leader exspecially one as good as Elizabeth. But he thought the connection they shared allowed him to see the other side of her, the where she doesn't have the mask in place, where he can see her weaknesses and the one where she could open up to him. The more he thought about it, the more he realised there was something going on. Was it Caldwell? Pushing for his job again, pushing for Elizabeth to make some big changes. Maybe he was just waiting for Elizabeth or himself to make a mistake so he could take over? All of these questions flew through his head and if he wasn't sure of anything else then he was sure of this: he had to get to the bottom of whatever was effecting Elizabeth.

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Elizabeth rubbed her eyes and glanced up from the report she was reading. Atlantis was quiet,the night shift making little noise. She stood and slowly walked over to the window overlooking the gate room, it still amazed her that they were here in the lost city of Atlantis. She didn't want to do anything that may jepordise all of the good work they had achieved and would achieve. This was one of the main reasons why she had to stop this 'thing' with John. There were a lot of good reasons why she shouldn't do anything about the attraction shefelt towards him. This time she needed to follow her head of her heart.

Needing a break she walked out of her office and out onto the balcony. Elizabeth liked it at night, the stars twinkled mischieviously and the lights from the city shone magicly. She always felt relaxed out here, it was the one place she could go to get away from it all.

She felt his presence before she heard him, "Elizabeth?"

She closed her eyes because she knew she wasn't up to this confrontation yet. She knew he had come to push her for answers, answers she didn't feel ready to give him.

Elizabeth turned her head and motioned for him to come over. Standing beside her in silence, it seemed like hours before either of them spoke whereas only a few minutes had passed.

"I need to know what happened earlier." he stated.

"Nothing happened…I was just telling you how it is."she responded firmly.

"You know that's not how it is…" he pushed.

"John, don't go there."

"Why not? Am I hitting a nerve?" his voice held anger, anger at her. She knew he didn't understand why she was putting this distance between them but hoped she could make him understand without telling him everything.

"If Caldwell has been pressuring you then I will..." he continued before she cut him off. So thats what he thought! That Caldwell was after a promotion?

"No John, he hasn't done anything recently that has to do with this."

"But you do admit, he has to do with it in someway?" he questioned, his brows furrowing as he tried to think of possibilities.

"To put it blunt John, You and I are colleagues, nothing more." she stated.

He stared at her long and hard, letting what she had said sink in.

"Explain it to me why you are doing this now? Why not from the start, when there was nothing between us?" he asked softly.

She could see the confusion and hurt clouding his eyes and wished she didn't have to do this when all she wanted was to have his arms wrapped around her telling her everything was going to be okay.

"I've…" she cleared her throught as the words wouldn't come out "I've realised just how much of a liability our growing friendship…has had on the leadership of this mission and I can't let it continue."

"How can a friendship compromise this command?" he asked.

"You know this is turning into more than friendship." She looked up at him and moved to the other side of the balcony; putting some, distance between them might make it easier to hold her resolve.

"Don't walk away Elizabeth, I need to know why you think our friendship is a liability?" he stayed where he was but his eyes followed her pacing.

"What do you want me to say John?" she queried her voice strained as she became agitated.

"The truth!"

"You want to know the truth? The truth is that everytime you leave on a mission, I can't sleep! The truth is that everytime our eyes meet I feel giddy. The truth is that this 'thing' we have going here is far more than professional and it clouds my judgement over missions. Now that's the truth." she whispered looking away from him as she realised just what she had given away.

John stared at her as she told him exactly what was bothering her. She looked away when she was finished and he knew she was embaressed at what she had let slip. She leant against the wall and closed her eyes waiting for his reaction.

"You think its only you that feels this attraction?" he murmered.

This caused Elizabeths head to snap up and their eyes locked, neither looking away.

In a moment of weakness they moved towards each other, John faster then Elizabeth and before he knew it he had her backed against the wall. His lips touched hers softly at first as if asking permission but then as hunger took over it became more passionate and harder. She threw her head back as his lips left her mouth and nibbled down the side of her face. This was what she wanted but she knew it shouldn't be happening. His mouth moved back to her mouthand he slipped his tounge in. Moaningshe ran her fingers through his hair, and they couldn't get enough of each other.

Pulling apart for air, both breathed heavily. He grinned and moved his head back in but before his lips had touched hers again he felt her hands pushing him away. Moving back slightly, John looked intently at her, waiting for her to explain.

She looked into his eyes and knew what she was going to say wasn't going to go down well at all.

"We can't!" she stated simply.

"Why?" he whipped back.

"Its not right." she claimed.

It had bloody felt right to him, more right than anything else lately. Seeing the disbelief in his eyes, she needed to make him believe waht she was saying.

"John, it won't happen again!"

As if suddenly understanding what she was saying, he knew she needed to cut him off before they did let it go to far.

"I….I don't want this to effect how we work together, but you have to realise its better for everyone."

Who was she trying to convince? How could they just kiss like that? and thenbrush it aside like it was meaningless?

"So how do you want it to be?" his voice coming out steadier than what he had thought.

"We have to stop this attraction before it compromises a mission, our jobs or even Atlantis" she told him.

"So we work together and that's it?" he questioned.

She nodded slightly, "No more flirting or secret glances."

"Okay" John agreed because he knew arguing wasn't going to help at all.

"Is that all?" he asked quietly

"Yes…" she responded in flat tones, the passionate woman of a few minutes ago all but gone.

"Good night. I guess i will see you at work tomorrow?" he stated emphasising 'work'.Turning away from her he strode off the balcony,how could he sleep now when so much had just happened.

She watched his retreating back and felt tears well up behind her eyes. She had known she had to do this but he made it just that little harder by kissing her. No she couldn't blame it all on John, she was equally at fault. She just hoped now that by cutting it off, it would die and not continue to grow.  



	4. Explorations

Elizabeth had not spoken to John alone in 3 days. Every time it looked like he was going to pull her aside she made excuses and left, trying to look inconspicuous but she guessed that John knew she was avoiding him

She couldn't stop thinking about what had happened, about his hands on her and his mouth on hers. The awareness was still there, maybe stronger then ever but so was her resilience. All of her life she had trained her mind to be stronger than her heart so that she would show no weakness but now her heart was fighting a stronger battle. She knew it was not just attraction with John but much more.

Since she had put the barriers up between them, there had been a dramatic but subtle change in their relationship, it had been what she intended but did she really want it? Elizabeth knew that what she had done was right but in what way? The more she thought about it the more she questioned it but was she too late?  
...  
John grimaced as Teylas sticks smacked his leg.

"Colonel, Is your mind somewhere else recently?" she questioned.

"Why do you ask?" he replied eyes warily watching her, waiting for her next move.

"You aren't concentrating." she said simply.

"Yes I am!" John retorted, "Lets go again."

Teyla nodded in acquiescence and picked up her weapons.

He started to twirl his sticks brow furrowing as he tried to predict her moves, Teyla on the other hand stood quite relaxed.

He hit out at her with both sticks but she blocked him easily and attacked him knocking one the sticks from his hands. He lashed out again but she blocks everyone of his attempts finally knocking his other stick from his hand. John stood there defenseless and raised his hands a little as if asking for lenience.

"You have not been practicing? Or you are not in the right frame of mind for fighting?" Teyla asked.

"Explain?" John replied knowing full well what she meant. Since the other night his mind had been occupied with thoughts of a certain brunette. He knew why she had cut him off but no matter how much he tried to rationalize it, it still hurt.

Teyla's voice knocked him out of his daydream, "…and I think that's why your not concentrating." she finished.

John looked up and nodded, not knowing any of what she had said but agreed anyway. He turned and collected his things and headed out of the gym.  
...

"We've found some interesting reading coming from the south side of the city!" Rodney informed the briefing.

"We should really check it out." he continued sounding like a small child.

"Do we have any idea what we are looking at?" Elizabeth enquired

"Um...No, not really. Rodney started but seeing Elizabeth's eye brow raised in a look that said 'there had better be a valid reason for this' made him change his approach.

"We believe," he indicated to Zelenka and then back to himself, "that the readings are coming from an Ancient Lab of some sort. We've only recently become aware of the energy readings. It might be valuable, either way we should check it out!"

"Okay, you've convinced me." Elizabeth agreed.

"Colonel you'll accompany him." she directed at John who just looked blankly at her and nodded.

To say the least things had been strained between them, even when it came to work related conversations. Cutting each other off had been intended to help their relationship but at the present, it had only hurt it. So many things had been left unsaid and the tension between them was palpable.

He lent in to whisper something into Teyla's ear and out of the corner of his eye caught Elizabeth's eyes give him a sharp look.

"Dr Weir…" John started waiting for her to acknowledge him before continuing. She nodded and he continued.

"Can Teyla also join this mission?"

"Sure." she nodded before dismissing the team.

"Colonel, Can you wait behind please." Elizabeth commanded softly.

Rodney threw John a sympathetic look, gathered up his notes, and left along with everyone else.

"John, we really need to talk about what happened and what its doing…" She broke off as she seen his look of disbelief.

"So know your back to calling me John?" he sniggered.

Elizabeth shook her head and said, "When did this get so complicated?"

John looked directly at her, "When you made it like this! I'm only doing what you wanted. This isn't what I want and you know it!" he emphasized getting louder.

She closed her eyes and said "I know. But this is what has to be done."

"Why do we have to talk if all we are going to do is go around in circles." he pointed out his voice becoming angry while his eyes tried to seek hers out.

"I just wanted you to know that I am sorry and that I...still care." she choked out the final words. His head snapped up and he strode up to her and grabbed her arms.

"I know you care," he panted "but its hard to cut you off…Pretend that you don't mean more."

He pulled her into his arms and was suprised when she let him. Elizabeth lay her head on his shoulder allowing herself to relax for a moment before her mind kicked in. John breathed in the scent of her hair and had barely closed his eyes before he could feel her pushing away from him, he let her go. She backed away and stared at him before saying, "This is what I am talking about! We can't do this…You need to go Colonel"

John cringed at the use of his rank and turned to walk out.

"John wait…" he twisted and looked at her, "be careful out there."

He nodded and walked out.  
...

Rodney shone his light down the deserted corridor and looked to John and Teyla. John nodded and consulted the life sign reader nodding, "Its clear."

"It should be the second door to the left." Rodney stated striding down the corridor. "The readings are getting stronger."

John looked at Teyla and shrugged before indicating they should follow.

This assignment was going to be good for him he could feel it.  
He needed a break, a chance to get away from the centre of Atlantis from all of the eyes watching him. He needed a chance to sort himself out, sort out what this new relationship with Elizabeth meant. He knew that when the tension became too strong between them that she would back off which had happened, its why he had suppressed his urges for so long. Even now, when he knew she reciprocated he had to hold back, he knew it was right but it felt so wrong. He just wants her to be safe and happy and if keeping his distance did that then so be it.

John looks ahead and sees Rodney at one of the doors. "This is it!"

"Okay then, lets check it out…"

The three of them moved slowly into the room, as if sensing their presence the lights came on!

"That never gets old." John grinned.

Glancing around, he noticed several artifacts scattered on the benches.

"Interesting." Rodney mused from a console

"What?" John asked curiously.

"This looks like some sort of ammunitions lab." he replied.

"Perhaps it is where they created new weapons?" Teyla spoke up

"Well whatever they were creating in here is emitting strong energy readings now." Rodney turned to them. "I suggest we start looking for it!"  
...  
Elizabeth paced her office waiting for Rodney to check in and update her of their progress.

"Elizabeth." a voice cackled through her radio.

"John?" she answered.

"Yeah, Just thought I would update you on our progress." she smiled as she heard his voice.

"Go ahead." she ordered.

"We've found what we think is a weapons development lab."

"Good, anything interesting yet?" she asked.

"A couple of things, Rodney thinks he may have found the source of the readings. It seems to be coming from this little ball thing." he stated.

"Becareful and keep me informed." she whispered closing her eyes

A feeling of dread crept all over her and she knew that something bad was going to happen.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John turned back to Rodney, "What have you found?"

"I think it is some kind of mini bomb, but I haven't figured out how to activate it. It would though explain the energy readings." Rodney replied excitedly.

"I am going to see if there is any information in the console over there." he pointed over towards where Teyla stood near the door.

John stood around the table fiddling with stuff and thinking of the damage a mini bomb could potentially do, when he realized that the ball was flashing.

"Uh Oh." he mumbled.

"What is it?" Rodney questioned.

"It's flashing." John pointed to the bomb.

"What did you do?" Rodney yelled at him.

"I didn't touch it." John threw back.

"I think it's armed, and the flashing maybe a count down." Rodney told him.

"Did you find out anything?" John asked.

"It's strength is similar to that of a C4 explosion."

"Do you not think it wise for us to leave?" Teyla questioned.

"We need to disarm it. We can't lose this lab." Rodney said.

"We'll grab it and throw it into another part of the city." John told him quickly.

"Okay." Rodney nodded.

Moving into the corridor, they ran down further into the deserted part of the city.

John and Rodney ran into the room, knowing time was shortened as the ball started to beep."

"Go! I'll take care of this." John yelled out.

Rodney ran to the door and John threw the ball to the other side of the room and started to leave. The bomb let out at flash of light and John scrambled to the ground with his hands of his head breathing deeply

"Colonel." Rodney screamed out.

He lifted his head and looked up seeing Rodney at the door motioning him to get up but before he could do anything the room began to collapse. Rodney lept back and stared in horror as the roof fell in on John.

Minutes passed as the dust settled and Rodney lent up against the cascade of rocks yelling Sheppard's name.

He tapped his ear, "Elizabeth."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Elizabeth standing on the balcony gazing out to sea when she heard her radio.

"Elizabeth?" a voice hissed frantically.

"Rodney?" she asked her voice slightly loud.

"Yes!"

"What is it? Whats wrong?" she asked.

"It's the Colonel." he stammered.


	5. Buried

"John?" she whispered back not really wanting to know what he had to say. With John it was always seemed to be bad news.

"He…I…" Rodney stammered slightly. "There was an accident." he finally got out.

"An accident?" Elizabeth repeated dumbly. "Is he….alright" she murmured huskily.

"I don't know…The room collapsed and he's…he's in there somewhere…" he finished lamely.

A thousand scenarios ran through Elizabeth's head, God she thought what have I done, blaming herself for what had happened. What ifs were always big parts of remorse and she couldn't help think, what if they had never fought? Would he still have gone on this exploration? Did he go only because he was avoiding her? Did he go to spend more time with Teyla? That last thought made her angry but she admonished herself as she realized that she had rejected him, he was free to go to whoever he wanted. She shook her head slowly and tapped her radio.

"Major Lorne."

"Yes, Dr Weir." he replied promptly

"Get a team together, there has been an accident." she commanded trying to put on her best leadership voice when all she wanted to do was crumble.

"An accident ma'am?" he queried sounding confused.

"Yes, Major. Colonel Sheppard is trapped in a room in the city. I want you to get a team together in the next five minutes and report to the control room where I will meet you."

"Okay, Lorne Out."

She stared out the window at the Stargate and knew she had to be there, had to know what was happening first hand.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Johns eyes cracked open and he coughed from all the dust. He didn't know what had happened, everything seemed to be going according to their half plan. It must have exploded and the blast caused the roof to cave in.

His hand reached up to tap his radio but it wasn't there, it must have fallen beneath the rubble which had his leg pinned down.

"McKay?" he croaked out his mouth feeling unnaturally dry. He felt tired and sore. A rescue team must be on the way he realized because he had made sure both Teyla and Rodney were out of the room. A rescue team…Elizabeth…Her face flew into his head and he realized that she must know about this by now. God he closed his eyes, he knew how she would react. Pretending she was okay when she really wanted to get hysterical, its what he would have done had it have been her in this situation. He shook his head. No…He wouldn't let her get into a situation like this…If he had his way she would never go off world again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

She watched the team as they prepared to excavate the rocks and she prayed that he was alright.

"Dr Weir?"

"Yes," she nodded.

"We're ready. This should only take a few minutes"

She nodded and it was at times like these that she wished the Daedalous was here, if it was he would be out by now. She closed her eyes and leant against the wall. She had tried so hard to keep the relationship professional and she still intended to do so even after he was found. She just needed to make sure that he was okay, that he was safe.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John heard the noises from the rescue team and knew that everything was going to be alright. He hated worrying people but he just couldn't help it sometimes, it was as if trouble followed him. He wanted to yell out, tell them that he was okay, tell her that he was okay. He opened his mouth and tried to yell but no sound came out, his mouth felt unnaturally dry and he could taste blood. He was tired, maybe if he slept then when he woke up they would be here.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"How long?" she asked. Half and Hour had already passed and they had said that it would only take ten minutes. Elizabeth had started to pace and several times had been asked to move out of the way. She was worried, but tried to cover it, tried to make it look like she wasn't stressing out.

"We're almost there ma'am," one of the soldiers said before getting back to work

Rodney put his hand on her shoulder and she jumped before turning around.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yeah." she nodded "We're lucky you and Teyla weren't stuck in there too!"

"mmm," Rodney agreed trying to avoid looking directly at her.

"Dr Weir." Major Lorne called out.

"Yes, Major"

"We're through." he returned.

"Go in," she commanded feeling her heart jumping, scared at what they might find.

"Yes ma'am" he nodded.

She watched them enter the room dust still clouding the air. She rubbed her eyes willing them to hurry.

A voice called out, "We've found him Dr, he's alive but he needs attention."

She moved to the gap in the wall and peered through, John was on the ground his leg under rubble. The Major's team had already started removing the debris off him and pull him out. All she wanted to do was run to him, touch him, know that he was okay but she forced herself to turn around and radio Carson.

"Carson, we've found John. Can you get a med team down here as soon as possible." she asked.

"Aye, I'll be there." he replied.


	6. Giving In

Elizabeth hovered outside of John's door. It had been two weeks since they had found him, two weeks since she had talked to him.

John had made it out lightly! He had been a little dehydrated, his leg though cut and bloody hadn't been as bad as it had looked and he'd had a mild concussion, with a few cracked ribs rounding out his problems.

Carson had kept him in the infirmary until yesterday but he had been awake since the first day. She had desperately wanted to see him but every time she got to the infirmary she got cold feet and left. She had returned later when she knew him to be sleeping but she still hadn't gotten close. Elizabeth had checked in with Carson everyday to see how he was going but felt guilty for not actually talking to John himself.

Elizabeth sighed and lifted her hand to knock.

She knew that he would want to see her, but she hadn't received any requests. She knew that not seeing him was wrong that even as a colleague she should have been to see him but it was hard.

She knocked and waited for him to answer.

"Come in." his voice drifted through the door. A voice she hadn't heard properly in what seemed like forever.

She waved her hand in front of the sensor and walked in.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John looked up from where he sat on the edge of the bed and looked at her.

He hadn't seen her in weeks, he'd missed her. Elizabeth moved towards the bed and stood in front of him. He patted the bed next to him and motioned for her to sit which she did twisting her hands in her lap

If he admitted to himself, he had been hurt when she hadn't come to see him in the infirmary. He knew she had been checking in on him, making sure she knew how he was but that wasn't what was bugging him. John knew that she wanted to keep her distance, keep Caldwell off her back and most importantly keep it professional. He didn't know how she did it half of the time, how she stayed so strong.

John looked at Elizabeth and knew that she felt awkward

"It's okay," he whispered.

"I just don't know what to do anymore John, its just too hard" she blurted out.

At least she'd called him John, that was something.

"I wanted to see you, wanted to know that you were alright but I just couldn't…" Elizabeth stammered.

"I know you did," he nodded reaching his hand out to grab hers. At first he didn't think she was going to let him but she did and it felt good.

He could see her resolve weakening but he didn't want to push so he didn't say anything content to sit there in silence.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

They sat like that for a while until he knew he had to say something, do something.

He reached his free hand up and lightly captured her chin and turned her face to his, she tried to avert her eyes.

"Elizabeth, please look at me." he pleaded softly.

She turned head up and her eyes met his, he was surprised to find her face streaked with tears.

"Why?" he whispered indicating her face.

"I thought…You could have died." she choked out.

Everyday he went out on dangerous missions and not once had she responded to him getting injured like this.

"But I didn't," he whispered leaning in closer, using his thumbs to wipe the tears away.

"This is why I have to keep away," she whispered.

"Is it really going to help?" he questioned moving even closer.

She could feel his breath fanning her face and knew that she wanted this.

He brought his head in closer and his lips met hers softly.

The kiss was slow at first, lips just tugging at each other. It was tender and sweet but somehow they both needed more. Just a moan from Elizabeth and the kiss became frantic, like the hunger that flared between them just couldn't be satisfied. Tongues slipped in and out and her fingers started running through his hair.

John pulled back and leant his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. He looked up at her as if expecting her to start telling him how wrong this was. She just stared at him, his eyes took in her face from her ruffled hair to her pink cheeks and swollen lips. He had done that he thought proud of himself. He could actually do that to Elizabeth Weir.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Elizabeth stared at him, why did he stop?

She knew what had just happened was wrong, that it shouldn't have happened but it didn't feel that way. She wanted more. She needed to know that he was alright, that he was still here.

She didn't want to say anything to wreck the mood so she did the opposite and captured his lips again. She knew he was surprised but she didn't even want to think about it, there would be time for that later!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

John opened his eyes, a smile crossing his face. His arm moved to the other side of the bed stunned to find it empty. He quickly sat up and looked around but there was no sounds coming from anywhere within his quarters.

He couldn't believe it, after what had happened last night, he thought it meant more, meant everything. She had left before he had woken, he wasn't really surprised.

John had a feeling that they she would just pretend that nothing had happened, maybe even try to forget it. It wasn't what he wanted but they had crossed the line and he knew she needed to get away. Just thinking this he closed his eyes as if in pain, it wasn't something he could forget easily.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Last Night

They lay together breathing heavily, Elizabeth's head resting on John's chest. No words had been uttered between them and it just seemed right. Words always seemed to complicate things between them.

At first it had been frantic and quick, a release of all the pent up emotion and denials. After it had been slow and tender, a show of feelings.

John stoked her hair condemning himself for letting it get this far. Though he chastised himself he knew that was what he had wanted all along. However nice no words were, he still couldn't tell what she was thinking. Did she regret it? Just thinking that made him pull her closer to his body, where she fit like she was always meant to be.

The problem wasn't exactly the regulations but the people who would use a relationship between them to further themselves. John knew they would have to talk in the morning, about everything. Where they were going? Was it going to effect work? But for now he just needed sleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John shook his head, they were never going to get to talk now.

He couldn't sit and dwell on it as he had a briefing for a mission. He smiled at that thought. He hadn't been on an off world mission in over a month and this was a meet and greet so what could go wrong?


	7. Off World

* * *

Elizabeth sank against the wall in her quarters. She sat on the floor and drew her legs up to her chin contemplating what she had done. She had left before he had woken, closing her eyes she shook her head 'who does that?'

Checking the time, she realized he would be awake by now; know that she had left him. Just this thought made her cringe and tears started running down her face. What had she done? This was just going to make things even harder than they were before. She knew by staying with him last night John would have hope, hope that she would change her mind. She wanted to, god how she did but she wouldn't, couldn't.

Elizabeth blinked back the tears as she got up and moved to the bathroom to clean herself up. She couldn't kid herself that she hadn't wanted it. She had wanted to know that he was alright, show him how she felt even if she couldn't tell him. She didn't regret it but now she didn't know how to face him, that's why she had left early. She had left because she had known that had she woken in John's arms he would insist on talking, something she wasn't ready for. Elizabeth finished washing her face and quickly changed her clothes before the mission briefing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John walked into the briefing room to find only Rodney seated. Moving over to the table he chose a seat further down the table. Rodney glanced at him questioning his action.

"What?" John asked coyly.

"Why move? That's your seat. You never let anyone sit there!" Rodney pointed out.

"I need a change." he replied. Rodney just shrugged and returned to his papers.

He'd chosen "his" seat because it was opposite Elizabeth's, simple as that. After last night, he did not think that he could sit there without doing or saying something he'd regret later.

"Gentleman."

The sound of her voice echoed throughout the room and John's head snapped up. He looked straight at her, trying to catch her eyes. He watched as the mask come down over her face and her eyes bored into his. John shook his head; this wasn't going to be easy.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

"The Bedans are willing to trade food for information on how to refine their agricultural techniques," Teyla informed the briefing.

"Is that all?" Elizabeth enquired.

"They also wish to learn more about basic medical techniques," Teyla continued.

"Such as?"

"Sutchering and diagnosing. Basic things like that," Carson informed Elizabeth.

"Is that it?" she questioned.

"No…Not exactly," Rodney edged in.

"Well?" the word came out a little harsh and Elizabeth knew that she sounded a little hard.

"We located ruins...Ancient Ruins," Rodney started.

"They look promising, only they need to be translated. I thought of you." Rodney pointed to Elizabeth.

John had been unusually quiet during the briefing but when he heard Rodney his head snapped up.

"No!" he stated fiercely.

"Colonel, Elizabeth is the foremost expert on Ancient. We need her there." Rodney retaliated.

"She's needed here," John argued.

Elizabeth stood from her chair and glared at John.

"Colonel, I am needed where ever my abilities are. Where ever I can help further this expedition. Is that understood?" She had emphasized his rank to make sure he knew she was serious.

He glared back at her defiantly, not saying a word. She knew he would bring this up with her after the meeting, something she was not looking forward too.

"I'm going!" Elizabeth finished.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The briefing had finished 10 minutes ago and John had yet to leave his seat.

Elizabeth walked over to where he was sitting and sat down next to him.

"Why?" he questioned softly.

He turned to look at her a confused look in his eyes.

She knew it was her that had made him so unsure of things and she wished in someway she could reverse it.

"John, you need to understand that I am doing what is best for us, for Atlantis." she whispered hoping he would understand the double meaning behind her words.

"You can't go off world Elizabeth, I won't let you!" he stated.

"Why?"

"Because we can't have the leader of Atlantis away from the city for too long." he floundered trying to come up with a reason.

"John, I was away from Atlantis for a month!" She claimed remembering the trip back from Earth on the Daedalous.

He could see he wasn't going to win so he tried to make a compromise

"Okay. I will back down if you agree to a security detail with you at all times."

"Okay." she nodded.

Elizabeth went to stand up but John grabbed her arm and turned her to face him.

"About last night…" He started.

"John…"

"I can't just forget."

"I know…but its complicated," she stammered.

He raised his hand to touch her cheek and unconsciously she leant into it.

"Just be careful. I'll be in your security team." He whispered.

She smirked knowing that he was going to say that.

"I'll see you later."

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

John looked around the embarkation room as everyone geared up. He watched her slip on the back pack and knew that this trip was going to be good for her. He had his reservations but as long as he was guarding her, he'd make sure nothing would happen to her. It couldn't, he closed his eyes against the thought of something happening to her and knew that nothing would while he was watching her.  



	8. Informant

* * *

Elizabeth breathed in the fresh air, it reminded her of Earth. She glanced around at the teams and knew that John was about to give them their orders. It was different seeing him like this, leading. She knew that's what he did but seeing it first hand was special.

"Teyla, Smith, Mathews and Franks are negotiating with the Bedans. Get us a good deal." John smirked while giving them their orders.

"Ronon, Rodney, Dr Weir, Lorne, Jones, Adams and Myself are checking out the Ancient Ruins," John commanded.

"Check in is in 3 hours."

And with that the teams broke off. Elizabeth watched intrigued by how well every person on this mission knew the protocol, knew each other. She made her way over to John who seemed to be waiting for her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

John watched her walk over to him and plastered a smile to his face. She was so different in the field, so vulnerable. He had made sure that every member of his team knew that there foremost goal in this mission was to protect her, keep her safe. He didn't want her to worry so he had told them to keep it quiet as he knew she would complain about all of the fuss.

When she reached him, he turned and started to walk with her towards the ruins. Ronon discreetly took up the rear. John knew that Ronon was sharp and had keen senses and would know if something was up.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

From the tree line a man watched. So these were the Atlantian explorers. He knew a great many who would pay for details of their off world whereabouts. Kolya being among the highest paying.

Waiting for them to clear the area, the man scrambled up to the DHD and dialed in a set of co-ordinates.

Yes, this would pay big.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Elizabeth walked next to John. She could feel that he wanted to talk but didn't want to seem out of place.

"John…I'm Sorry." She whispered.

His head snapped around to face her and his eyes showed surprise.

"What for?" he questioned.

She closed her eyes briefly, collecting her thoughts

"For not being there…in the morning," she choked out.

His eyes glowed in recognition of waking up alone.

"Do you regret it?" he forced out looking away from her as the memories of that night re-entered his mind.

"No…It was what we needed," she breathed out, not sure how that sounded

"So you slept with me because you needed it?" John bit out harshly.

"John…" Elizabeth sighed reaching out to grab his arm, stopping on the path.

Ronon still following, hung back out of sight. Knowing that whatever they needed to talk about needed to be fleshed out now.

"I didn't mean it like that and you know it. I let my control go, let myself do something I have wanted but can't allow myself to do. What we…feel...has to be pushed back," she whispered.

John stared at her. He knew this was important to her and he needed to let her know that although he didn't agree, he would support her.

He nodded. "I understand what you want, but it's that much harder now."

She stared up at him, knowing this wasn't the time and place to be having this conversation but it was happening anyway. She nodded in agreement. "I know!"

At her words his hand reached out to touch her cheek and he found her leaning into his touch. His head moved closer to hers until he could feel her breath on his lips. Forbidden Lips. That though didn't stop the temptation and he leant closer still.

She felt his lips touch hers and wanted to push him away but she couldn't find the strength anywhere. He moaned when she responded and all thought of stopping faded away as she melted. Hands running through his hair and tongues dancing. Elizabeth felt it getting out of control but she couldn't help herself.

SNAP

John jumped away from her cursing himself for letting his guard down on a mission especially this one. He raised his P-90, urging Elizabeth with his hand to stay behind him. Moving back down the path, his eyes darted around looking for the disturbance.

Ronon strode up the path towards them and John lowered his gun.

"Was that you then? Making the noise?" he questioned.

Ronon nodded "Yeah,"

"We best keep moving." He added.

John turned to look at Elizabeth, her face was flushed and her hair all wild. He had done that he thought proudly.

"Come on lets go."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Are you sure it was them?" a voice growled.

"Yes, It was Sheppard and his people."

"Your information is greatly appreciated," Kolya beamed as he handed over the reward.

As the man left, Kolya radioed his team.

"Be at the stargate in five minutes." he commanded menacingly.

He smirked as he gathered his weapons.

He was going to get John Sheppard this time.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..  



	9. How to get to Him

* * *

Elizabeth stared up at the ruins in awe. They were everything she had hoped they would be. Two main pillars stood at the entrance, as if guarding what lay beyond. There were only decrepit walls, with overgrown vines covering them. This though wasn't what she had been brought to see.

Rodney beckoned Elizabeth to the far side of the ruins, to what seemed like a barrier wall that stopped them from entering any deeper. Rodney pointed to it saying "This is what we need translated. We think this is a doorway, not sure what too. Hoping you can tell us how to open it and what's behind it,"

"I'll get started now," Elizabeth said while slowly easing her backpack off. "You are planning on helping me?" she questioned.

"Of Course!" Rodney shrugged helping her to unpack her books from the pack.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The stargate activated and a small team of men came through.

Kolya glanced around his surroundings and smirked knowing that whatever else happened today, he would make Sheppard suffer.

His informant sauntered up next to him and pointed towards the mountains.

"They were heading up towards the mountains, there are ruins about an hours walk."

"Your part in this will never be forgotten," Kolya declared.

The man nodded before heading towards the village. As Kolya watched him go, he indicated to his men to start up the track.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John casually leant against one of the ruin walls, drinking from a canteen. Hours had passed and this was the first chance he'd had to take a break from patrolling the perimeter. He lazily watched Elizabeth sitting cross-legged and surrounded by books. He loved seeing her like this, doing what she knew best and being away from the stresses of Atlantis even if it was only for a little while.

"So how are you guys coming?" John called out as he strolled over to where they were translating.

Elizabeth glanced up from her books, eyes sparkling.

"John. Its so fascinating. We need more time though," she said.

"What have you deciphered?" John questioned.

"Well, it makes references to the sun at midday and from what Rodney and I have been reading it needs to be activated by somebody with the Ancient gene at that time, Here and Here." she indicated to two round circles on either side of the wall.

"Its past that now," John checked his watch.

"Yes" she agreed nodding. "I was going to suggest we make this an overnight stay."

John looked at her and knew she wanted to do this. He was worried enough about her being off world for the day let alone for an overnight mission. The worry must have reflected in his eyes as she smiled at him indulgently, placing a hand on his arm.

"I'll be fine." she whispered. "Besides you're here to look after me."

He knew she was right but all he wanted to do was pack all of her stuff up and take her back through the gate as quickly as possible.

"Okay." he agreed. "We'll stay here in the ruins, this is the best strategic location."

She nodded, "I have to get back to translating now."

He gave her one small smile and left to radio the others.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kolya and his men had watched Sheppard enter the ruins.

He had noted that Sheppard had extra men on this mission, which from what Kolya knew about him was unusual.

He gaze had continued to follow Sheppard on his rounds until he had taken a break. Kolya could see that John was staring at something but his view was obstructed, moving to the left he was just in time to catch John calling out to someone. Whom Kolya wasn't sure but he continued to watch until the person came into view.

Dr Elizabeth Weir

Kolya smirked to himself now knowing why Sheppard had assigned more men to this particular mission. When he had tried to take over Atlantis, Sheppard would have done anything to protect the lovely Dr. He guessed that things hadn't changed much but had in fact become much much more interesting.

He watched Weir touch John's arm and knew then that she was the way to get to him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth sighed as she finished collecting up her books. It had gotten dark rather quickly and though she only had a little of the translation to go it was pointless doing it now. She walked over to the area that the team had designated for sleeping and placed the books down in a neat pile. John was sitting by the fire watching her. She had felt his eyes on her all day, she knew he was just making sure she was okay, reassuring himself. She also knew that it was much more than that. It was like his eyes bored through, seeing exactly what she was thinking. Throughout the day she would catch his eye, he would smirk, making her forget where she was in her translation, and then Rodney would chastise her. It was like a never-ending cycle, but she got comfort from that connection even if it was ever so brief.

One thing that Elizabeth knew was that John and her needed to talk when they got back to Atlantis. To sort through everything, to set a few things straight and to find out how they were going to proceed in the future. She didn't know how she had let things get so out of control, how she had let him through the barrier she had erected so firmly in place. Elizabeth was kicked out of her musings by a hand on her shoulder, looking up she seen John come to sit next to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," she nodded knowing that that wasn't what her face showed.

"Wanna talk about it?" he probed gently while placing wood on the fire.

She shook her head and he looked at her curiously but she indicated to Ronon who had come to join them by the fire.

"Ronon," John greeted.

He nodded before sitting down.

"Jones and Adams are patrolling the north side and Lorne and I are heading off to the south side after we eat." Ronon grunted not noticing the tension between John and Elizabeth.

"Good! Dr Weir, Teyla checked in before. The Bedans are being extremely generous in their dealings and Teyla says they've collected a lot of food" John said adding Dr Weir in for Ronon's benefit.

Looking at Elizabeth he could see the confusion in her eyes about the use of her title. John was trying to be cautious around Ronon, as he didn't know what the other man had seen or heard earlier in the day.

Elizabeth nodded, then stood.

"Keep me updated," she said quietly before starting to walk towards the entrance to the ruins.

"Where are you going?" John questioned sharply.

"I….need some fresh air…I won't be gone for long," she replied.

"Okay, just don't go far and stay in sight of the Patrol teams." John compromised.

She nodded and then left.

Ronon looked at him and raised an eyebrow

"I think you should talk to her!" he grumbled in his deep voice.

"Huh?" John looked at him

"Dr Weir…You should go talk to her. Whatever is happening with you and her, it needs to be sorted." Ronon advised.

John nodded once and leapt up, walking out of the ruins.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Kolya watched from the bushes, his men had taken up equally strategic positions around the ruins. His plan was to wait until they slept.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a person coming their way. Silently he watched Dr Weir walk into the opening. From where he was sitting he could see that she was upset. Tears moved freely down her cheeks and Kolya wondered what had happened to get her into this state. He didn't have to wait long to find out!

……………………………………………………………………………………………………….

John radioed the patrol teams to see where Elizabeth had gone and then set after her. He found her in a clearing just near the ruins, standing in the middle. He hung back in the shadows just watching her. He heard noises and that was when he realized she was crying. Elizabeth was crying? He moved forward a little and a twig snapped. Elizabeth spun around sharply. 'Who's there?" she queried.

He stepped out of the shadows and moved over to her. When she seen him she quickly wiped her face and turned away.

"Elizabeth," he whispered slowly moving behind her. She didn't turn around so he moved right behind her and tentatively moved his arms out to encircle her waist from behind.

He heard her gasp in surprise but relax and lean back into his arms. He nuzzled the back of her neck and heard her sigh.

"I didn't think this would be so hard!" she whispered.

"What?" John asked dumbly.

"This….Us…John, we need to talk." She sighed.

"As much as I like this, you know where I stand. We can't just keep going around in circles, repeating the same thing over and over again,"

"Go on," he urged.

"You and I," she stated indicating between them.

"It has to stop. You can't mean anything to me. Its to dangerous for a lot of reasons." she argued strongly.

He sighed and released her only to turn her to face him.

"Why were you crying, if I mean nothing?" he quietly demanded, reaching out to touch her face. She shied away.

"Don't. We've had this talk John," she choked out.

"If you tell me you don't care, then I will drop it. No matter how hard it is," he whispered.

She looked into his eyes and knew she couldn't lie to him.

"You know I care but this can't happen, at least not now or anytime soon," Elizabeth bowed her head.

John reached out and grabbed her chin lifting her head. "Okay, not now but someday?" he questioned.

"Someday." she agreed, knowing in her heart that that may never come.

He leant in to kiss her softly one last time as he pulled back he asked, "Can we move past all of the things that have happened in the last couple of weeks?"

"I don't know?" she whispered quietly before grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. This one though wasn't as chaste but one full of the longing and emotion that would have to be repressed yet again for the right time. Elizabeth pulled back and turned around. "Go John please."

"You can't stay out here, its not safe." he pleaded.

"I'll be in soon. I just need some time to pull myself together," she whispered.

John nodded and silently turned around and headed back into the ruins.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kolya had seen the exchange from his place in the bushes. It was very interesting, very interesting indeed.

Sheppard had one weak spot and he had just seen it first hand.

Displaying emotions made a soldier weak and he was going to exploit Sheppard's.

From watching the conversation between Dr Weir and Sheppard, Kolya gathered that this was why Sheppard was over doing the security and why he had gone so crazy during his teams takeover on Atlantis. Kolya thought about it for a moment, Sheppard had only gone on a killing spree after he thought Dr Weir had died. Things seemed to have progressed since then he thought smugly knowing just how much he was going to enjoy getting his revenge.  



	10. In Motion

Elizabeth started to make her way back to the camp site. Her mind still wondering but she had collected enough of herself to rejoin the others, besides if she didn't go soon someone would come looking for her.

She trudged into the ruins and straight towards her sleeping gear; she hadn't spotted John and gathered that he must be on patrol. 'Good' she thought guiltily knowing she just didn't want to face him yet.

Elizabeth removed her jacket and climbed into her sleeping bag. Rodney had already gone to sleep and was snoring rather loudly. She smirked and laid her head down on her bunched up jacket and slowly drifted off to sleep.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ronon stood in the shadows watching Elizabeth getting ready to sleep. Sheppard had joined the patrol silently and Ronon wondered what had happened between the two of them. He heard a noise approaching from behind him and turned suddenly only to find Sheppard standing behind him.

"Has she come back yet?" he asked.

"Yes!" Ronon nodded.

"She's by the fire, in her sleeping gear," he informed John.

John nodded, "Okay, we better get back on patrol."

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kolya knew that the best time to get anywhere near the camp was during the middle of the night. When those not on duty would be sleeping. He planned to move quietly and take her before the others were aware of his and his team's presence. If he really thought about it he wanted Sheppard to be aware of him and what he had taken. He wanted to be caught with Dr Weir. Kolya wanted Sheppard to see what he was losing, to have his weakness exposed.

He didn't have to wait long now.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Elizabeth woke abruptly and quickly glanced around the darkness. She could make out the other members of her team sleeping nearby. John was behind her sleeping soundly though his gun was right beside him as if he expected trouble. She knew he was sleeping close to her because he felt it his responsibility to protect her, look after her. She smiled softly at that thought and moved out of her sleeping bag slowly as not to wake him. Elizabeth knew that there would be two men on duty and maybe that's what had woken her. She stood and moved away from those sleeping. Raising her hands over her head she stretched until she felt someone grab her forcefully from behind, a hand coming over her mouth. Elizabeth felt the panic building hoping that it was only John behind her. She had a feeling though that it wasn't.

A voice rasped in her ear, "Dr Weir."

She knew that voice, her mind racing to identify the owner.

Kolya, the name hit her and fear suddenly raced throughout her body.

She started struggling, trying to scream but he kept his hand firmly over her mouth effectively muffling her attempts.

"Its alright, I'm not going to take you just yet." he spat into her ear.

Elizabeth watched silently as Kolya's men crept into the ruins, two dragging Jones and Adams. They dumped the bodies on the ground before moving towards the campfire where the others slept. She watched as they silently and very smartly removed the guns from John and the others.

Elizabeth closed her eyes trying to determine just what the Genii wanted this time. When she opened, her eyes Kolya's men were in defensive positions around the campfire. She could feel his fingers slowly loosening there grip from around her mouth. This was her chance she thought quickly, she needed to let John and the others know.

"John!" she screamed out as loud as she could.

Kolya didn't attempt to stop her and she realized she'd done exactly what he wanted her to.

She watched in what seemed like slow motion as John quickly shot up, his eyes darting around looking for her, suddenly clouding over and becoming dark when he spotted her.

Ronon and the others followed quickly moving to stand in an offensive stance.

It was Kolya who broke the silence.

"Ahh, Colonel Sheppard. How nice to see you again." he said smugly.

Johns jaw tightened and he went to lunge forward but seen the gun glinting in Koyla's hand. Keeping steady, he gritted out slowly "I will kill you for this!"

"For this?" Kolya questioned with a smirk, "I haven't even done anything yet."

"You lay one hand on her..." John threatened balling his fist.

"We," indicating to Elizabeth and then his team, "won't be here long enough for you to find that out." Kolya said tauntingly.

"Kolya!" John roared moving forward suddenly.

"I wouldn't Colonel." Kolya said as he brought his gun up to Elizabeth's head.

She shook her head slowly, "John, please." she pleaded.

His eyes snapped to hers and he took a step back. She didn't want anyone to get hurt because of her.

"Seems I have found the great Colonel John Sheppard's one weakness!" Kolya leered wanting to rub in the fact.

John closed his eyes only for a moment, trying to erase all the emotion from his face and replace it with a steely mask. The mask was his way of trying to show that Elizabeth was not a weakness. That she meant nothing. He was afraid that he was failing miserably to conceal his anger and fear.

John felt helpless. The one situation that he had no control over and it had to be one of the most important ones in his life.

"What do you want?" he gritted out trying to control his anger.

"Revenge." Kolya replied simply.

John was confused, so many questions racing through his head. Why grab Elizabeth? Revenge against whom? He didn't have to wait long for them to be answered.

"Revenge against you Colonel." Kolya continued.

"If it's me you want, then leave Elizabeth out of this!" John spat.

"Ahh, but Colonel where would the fun in that be? I have found your one weakness and intend to exploit it. Say goodbye to your precious Dr Weir." Kolya told him.

"Don't you dare hurt her!" John bellowed not even trying to conceal his emotions. John knew as soon as he yelled it that it was what Kolya wanted. He wanted to torment him. John scrunched his fists into a ball as he realized there was really nothing he could do. He knew it had been a mistake to bring her on this mission; he should have fought her harder. John closed his eyes as the guilt seeped in, it was his fault she was in this position. Kolya was using Elizabeth to hurt him and if he admitted it, it was killing him. To be defenseless, unable to help her.

John watched silently as Kolya strode away dragging Elizabeth along with him. Who knew where they were going.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth caught the fury smoldering in Johns eyes as she was dragged away and knew that he blamed himself for this. She really blamed herself, this is what she had been afraid of the whole time. Having someone use there feeling towards each other against them.

When they were out of sight, Kolya whispered roughly into her ear. "Don't worry, you will see him again I have made sure of that."

Elizabeth processed this slowly but it suddenly hit her, "This is a trap? You want him to come after me?"

'Precisely! I want him to be there, to see the pain on his face." Kolya smirked evilly.

"I know he will come. Sheppard would never leave anyone in the hands of the enemy, especially not the woman he loves."


	11. Attempted Rescue

……………………………

Three men stood circled around the Atlantis team. John looked sideways to where Ronon stood and knew that the taller man was planning something. It had better be quick before Kolya got Elizabeth to the Stargate. He needed to save her, if only to save himself.

Ronon raised an eyebrow at him and he took that as the signal. As if in slow motion, he rushed forward to take out one of Kolya's remaining men while out of the corner of his eye he caught Ronon reaching into his boot and slinging a knife at another. That left only one, who was taken care of within moments. John looked quickly to Ronon and his men.

"We'll go after her now!" Ronon stated breathing in heavily.

"No, you stay here and fix this up." John shot back, jogging to grab his P-90.

"Okay!" Ronon replied knowing that as soon as Sheppard had disappeared that he would be following.

John nodded at him and took off down the mountain track hoping he wasn't too late.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth winced in pain as Kolya dragged her into the clearing which housed the stargate. She struggled to look back the way they came, hoping against all odds that John would burst out of the bushes.

She had desperately wanted to get away but didn't dare risk anything to stupid. If she got herself hurt John would never forgive himself. He must be going through hell now knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop it happening.

Elizabeth was thrown to the ground in front of the stargate, her eyes darted around trying to figure out what was going on. She knew as soon as she heard the familiar sounds of the Stargate being activated.

"No!" she cried out knowing that as soon as she went through it practically all chances of John rescuing her were through the window.

Kolya turned around and smirked at her, the look on his face sending shivers down her spine. "Don't worry Elizabeth, He'll be here."

She closed her eyes in disgust, not even being able to contemplate just what Kolya had in store for John. All she really did know was she was being used against him, his feelings for her were being exploited. At this thought, tears started rolling down her face. This was a weakness she didn't like to have exposed but when she thought about the way she had treated John she couldn't help it. She shouldn't have pushed him away, she had just hurt them both. This was what she had hoped to avoid when she put the distance between them, it hadn't done any good though. Elizabeth wiped the tears away as she realized that she hadn't ever told John just what he meant to her.

The gate whooshed open and she felt Kolya grab her shirt and drag her onto her feet.

"Not long now." he rasped.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John pounded down the track as if some wild beast were about to take his life away, which couldn't be closer to the truth.

'Almost there' he panted to himself. Slowing down as he approached the clearing his eye caught the shimmering blue of the Stargate and he cursed himself, he was to late.

Crouching behind some trees, he poked his head out to survey the area and thats when he seen her.

Standing just metres away from the Stargate was Elizabeth being held by Kolya. Relief flooded through him when he realized that he wasn't too late. Something about this situation gave him Déjà vu and sent ripples down his body. Knowing he needed to come up with a plan he started to think out strategies. It wasn't long before a voice cut across the clearing.

"Colonel Sheppard, I know that you are there," Kolya yelled out.

"Reveal yourself, if not for me than for the health of Elizabeth."

John felt anger welling just at the fact that he had said her name in a sordid way. Just as he was about to step out into the clearing Elizabeth cried out, "No, John please don't do this I'm not worth it."

He froze for a moment. How could she think herself worthless, when he would give everything up just to have her safe again. Stepping out into the clearing, He caught her eyes and could see his fear reflected in them.

"Put the gun down!" Kolya commanded.

John put his hands up in defeat and slowly put the gun to the ground. Straightening up he said slowly and clearly, "Now let her go, you've had your fun."

Kolya just through back his head and laughed, "You have no idea just how much fun I can have." he insinuated running his hand down the side of Elizabeth's face. She shook her head as if to get rid of his touch.

Johns fist balled up as it was the only way he had of channeling his emotions, his feeling of contempt.

'What is it you want?" he questioned steadily.

The answer was just as succinct, "To make you suffer is at the top of my list!"

"There are other ways!" John compromised trying to keep the pleading tone out of his voice, "Torture me!"

"I already am." Kolya slung back with satisfaction as he began edging himself and Elizabeth towards the open wormhole.

John moved forward quickly running in a zig zag pattern to avoid any fire Kolya might throw at him.

"No John!" were the last words he heard her say before she was dragged through the gate. Speeding up he made a sprint for the wormhole before it closed. Diving through it he, commando rolled as he re-entered on the other side, knowing that following Elizabeth onto an unknown planet probably wasn't a smart idea. Coming into a crouching position his eyes darted around the darkness trying to focus as the gate behind him shut down. He heard a noise to his left and shifted quietly towards it suddenly a noise was directly behind him and the last thing he felt was being hit by something on the back of his head before he passed out.

Lights flickered on and a body loomed over John. A woman's muffled gasp could be heard in the silence.

"I've got you now, right where I want you!"

…………………………………………………………………………………


	12. Only Four

John woke to an extremely bright light shining in his eyes. Squinting he turned his head away in an attempt to stem the flow of light. His head pounded, the pain traveling down his neck. Raising his hand to feel for damage he realized his hands were bounded.

Trying harder to bring his hands up to his face, the tightness around his wrists grew. Handcuffs were around his wrists and a chain attached to them led to a metal picket in the ground a couple of feet away from him.

'Where am I?' John thought to himself, the last thing he remembered was Elizabeth being pulled through the gate by Kolya and him following. Elizabeth! She had to be here somewhere!

"Elizabeth?" he choked out in a raspy voice.

Trying again his voice was louder, more stronger. "Elizabeth?"

A shadow behind the light caught his attention and he called out, "Who's there?"

"Colonel Sheppard! How nice of you to join us." a voice broke through the uneasy silence.

"Kolya?" John growled.

The light was dimmed and though it took only moments for his eyes to adjust, John felt like time was passing at a much slower rate. Once his eyes had become accustomed to the more natural light filtering into the room, they scanned it slowly at first from left to right. The wall he was up against was made out of some kind of rough brick, a window no bigger than half a meter wide was the source of the light. Knowing that there was natural light, John knew that they were above ground. This puzzled him, the Genii were secretive people known now for having underground bunkers. Still taking in his surroundings he noticed the room must be used for interrogation. His eyes finally came to rest on the man responsible for this situation.

"Where is she?" he questioned fiercely.

"Dr Weir?" Kolya replied knowing full well who John was asking after.

"Who else?" John threw back.

"You will see her soon." Kolya smirked and John felt a shiver go down his spine. Whenever an enemy smirked like that it made him feel uneasy, like they knew something he didn't and that never sat well with him.

Kolya turned and made his way to the cell door.

"I want answers," John yelled.

Kolya didn't even turn around.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Back on Bedan (Earlier)

Ronon had obeyed Sheppard's orders to some extent, helping Rodney and the others and then radioing Teyla and informing her of the situation. As soon as that had been done he had sped out of the ruins and towards the stargate.

Running down the track, Ronon knew he needed to get to the stargate before anybody left through it.

He made it to the clearing just in time to see John jump through the even horizon. Knowing he wouldn't make it through as well, Ronon ran towards the DHD.

"One…Two…Three…Four…" Ronon counted the symbols highlighted. He knew that he needed six to be able to follow both Sheppard and Dr Weir. So far he had filed only four. The wormhole shut down and the DHD ceased to glow.

"Damn!" he growled. He had only got four, four of six.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John jack knifed into a sitting position, he'd tried to sleep but now had a feeling that there was someone in his cell.

"John?" a voice whispered.

"Elizabeth?" he questioned.

A body moved out of the shadows walking silently towards him.

His heart started beating faster at the sight of her, still in her Atlantis uniform even if it was a little worse for wear. Tears were streaming down her face and all he wanted to do was get up and go to her but he was restricted by the restraints around his wrists.

She knelt down in front of him and leant in closer, he reached his hand out slowly to touch her face to know that it really was her. His fingers stroked he cheek and he brushed away the tears.

"Why?" she questioned quietly before throwing herself at him. His arms wrapped around her the best he could and he nuzzled her neck. He had never thought he would get this close to her again after all that had happened between them and here they were in one the worst situations he could have ever imagined. He wished it were just him here and that he could spare her this!

"I just couldn't leave you!" he murmured back into her hair. Elizabeth sighed and if it was possible leant in even closer.

"God, all of this is my fault!" she exclaimed hoarsely. John was shocked at what she had just whispered, how, why…what?

"What?" he asked back confused.

"You and me. He is using what you feel for me against you John. We are playing right into his hand. Everything he is doing is planned, why else would I be here right now?" she explained.

"Its my fault," she continued. "I didn't fight you hard enough. I'm stronger than that. I let this get to far and now what I feared all along has actually happened. I've compromised the mission!" she sobbed these last few words. "All because I couldn't stem what I was feeling."

John was taking everything in slowly, but there was one question that burned more than the rest.

"What do you feel?" he questioned her.

She pulled back and sat back on the floor in front of him, her head was down so John reached out and gently lifted her chin up to look at him.

"What do you feel?" he asked again.

"John…I…We…" she started hesitantly "I doesn't matter" she finally started. "What I feel for you doesn't matter in the long run because nothing can ever come from it."

"I just need to know," John asked quietly. "If nothing comes out of it, I can learn to accept that but I just need to know what we are giving up on."

Elizabeth seemed surprised at what John had said. She knew that their alone time together right now was limited and time was quickly running out. She needed to tell him, needed him to know.

"John…I have strong feelings for you."

"Define strong feelings." John probed. He wasn't going to make this easy for her, he needed her to tell him.

"I care for you John, further than what a boss should feel. I felt like had no right to these feelings growing but slowly they turned into…" Elizabeth paused turning her head slightly towards the cell door.

"He's back!" she whispered.

John closed his eyes knowing that their time together had been cut.

"Sit back away from me, make out you feel nothing. If he knows he will use it." John ordered her gently.

She nodded and reached out to touch him but he shook his head slightly and she withdrew her hand.

Elizabeth sat down against the opposite wall and waited. She didn't have to wait long, Kolya strolled in with two of his men. Looking at them he smirked.

"Who are you trying to fool?" he asked.

John just shrugged.

"Take her!" Kolya commanded his men while pointing to Elizabeth.

"No!" John bit out trying to get to Kolya. The chains around his hands restricted him from going very far.

"Calm down Colonel, you are also coming. This is something I wouldn't want you to miss." Kolya leered.

"John!" Elizabeth called out to him, the worry evident in her voice.

"If you do anything to her…" John threatened.

"Colonel, you are in no position to be making threats. What happens next is for your benefit only!"

This last sentence made Johns blood run cold, he knew they were going to use Elizabeth to get to him but he didn't know how far they would go to do it.


	13. Hurting

Atlantis

Ronon strode through the gate and bounded up the steps into the control room, not even stopping to acknowledge anyone.

Rodney and Teyla just stared at him as he consulted with one of the technicians. They knew he had only memorized half of the address so he was in a hurry to have the Atlantian personnel check against known addresses in the database.

Rodney though knew that that wasn't all that was going through the Satedans mind, he was sure there was guilt mixed in their as well. Nobody blamed Ronon for what had transpired back on the planet but he probably blamed himself for not following after Sheppard fast enough.

Teams had been put together to search all of the possible planets that Kolya had taken Sheppard and Weir to. In the control room Ronon frowned, knowing they were doing all that was possible but also knowing that it wasn't being done fast enough. Kolya's attack had been personal, very personal.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

John was dragged into a large room and pushed into a metal seat. His hands and feet were restrained and it became difficult for him to move anywhere. So far he hadn't seen Elizabeth but he was so sure she had been right behind him. This situation was beginning to frustrate the hell out of him, everything that had happened had been premeditated. If there was one thing he hated it was being out maneuvered. He would have felt a lot better about the situation if Elizabeth hadn't been involved at all.

John closed his eyes and thought about what he would do if anything ever happened to her. When Kolya tried to take over Atlantis, he had only known Elizabeth for just over six months. He admitted to himself that he went crazy when he thought she was dead, but in that situation he was free. In this one he wasn't.

He heard footsteps growing louder, approaching the room he was in. The door swung open and Elizabeth was pushed inside, followed closely by three guards and Kolya. His stomach balled up and he just wanted to let his anger out but he knew that was exactly what Kolya wanted.

Kolya was still somewhat of a mystery to him, he hadn't actually asked for anything yet but John knew he would get to that on his own time.

Two chains hung from the ceiling in the middle of the room and John watched as Elizabeth was slowly propelled towards them. Two guards lifted her arms up and he watched silently as she struggled against them. All he wanted to do was rip them apart for even daring to touch her but he held his tongue fearing reprisal, not against him but against Elizabeth. Having finally chained her arms up, John watched as she sort of hung from the ceiling with only her feet dragging.

Kolya moved into the room and stepped in front of Elizabeth, her eyes shone with her defiance and John knew that he would be lapping all of this up. He turned slowly to face John, moving to stand directly next to Elizabeth.

"Colonel, revenge is not all I want of you."

"Now why did I get the impression that it was?" John questioned.

"Revenge is foremost in my mind but the Genii need more from you!"

"What has Dr Weir got to do with this?" John asked trying to keep Elizabeth at a distance.

"I will use her to get to you!" Kolya leered.

"She's not as important to me as you think she is!" John bit out.

Elizabeth had been watching the interaction between the two men silently, taking every little detail in. As soon as John said that last sentence, she felt her heart begin to beat more rapidly. It hurt. She knew he didn't mean it that he was just saying it to throw off Kolya but what if he did mean it just a little. Elizabeth knew she had been pushing him away, trying to cut him off without any thought as to how he might feel about it.

"Do not try that with me Sheppard. If there is one thing in this galaxy that can bring you to your knees…it is her!" Kolya spat out will pointing to Elizabeth.

"What else do the Genii…uh require of me?" John questioned.

"Experiments! We need someone with the gene! Information about Atlantis's layout and security." Kolya answered back smoothly.

"Why me?"

"Apart from repaying you for our last few encounters, we have determined you to be the one most proficient at using the gene. If we are to perfect our own gene therapy we need your co-operation!"

"I…won't… help… you…" John gritted out, slowly punctuating each word so the message got home.

"Oh but you will, it's not just yourself you have to be worried about but Elizzzabeth also," Kolya purred her name.

John shivered at the way he said her name and felt like striking him down. Elizabeth who up until this point had remained silent spoke.

"No, John. Nothing." she ordered him.

Kolya moved in closer to Elizabeth until she could feel his breath on her face. She shuddered as his hand up to stroke her face; pulling her head away, she tried to escape only to have Kolya jerk it back.

"I don't wish to hurt her Colonel but unless you give me what I want…I won't be held accountable for my actions." Kolya gave the ultimatum with no regret.

John thought for a moment about giving him what he wanted but knew that they probably wouldn't be released. That he would be putting everyone in Atlantis in danger for nothing. He glanced over to Elizabeth and saw the defiance still shining in her eyes, she was strong and he knew he had to be strong too. Shaking his head he stared up at their captors.

"Go to hell!" he bit out in disobedience, eyes seeking out Elizabeth's as if to receive approval for his action. Her eyes met his and he knew that she was with him; she agreed that he couldn't give over Atlantis's secrets, she didn't want to be traded for them.

"Have it your way!" Kolya spat out menacingly moving in closer to Elizabeth.

"Lets see how long it takes before you break."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Meanwhile On Atlantis

Ronon strode back through the gate leaving the rest of the team behind. Rodney watched him go and knew that he was feeling what they all felt…disappointment. This latest planet was the umpteenth one on a list that matched the symbols Ronon had provided. On everyone of these "missions" to find the two missing members they had met disappointment at every corner. Some gate address wouldn't lock so they were ruled off the list, ones that opened into space or inhospitable locations were also ruled out. Even with these addresses taken off the list, it still left a couple of dozen potential destinations.

Rodney sighed and looked at Teyla who was still standing beside him.

"You need to talk to him, get him to slow down," Rodney told her.

Teyla nodded, "I will try!" and made her way towards the control room.

Rodney shook his head, every time they came back from a planet Ronon would dial another one up straight away. They had already visited five planets in a row and they needed a break. Rodney watched the exchange between Ronon and Teyla and knew that it wouldn't be pleasant. He watched Ronon stalk away and Teyla nodded to him. They would get that break, even if it was only for a moment.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth screamed in pain, as she was shocked again. Kolya had been shocking her on and off with something similar to a pain stick for the past hour and a half, each time getting progressively longer.

Elizabeth had avoided eye contact with John because she knew that he would blame himself for what was happening to her. John sat in silence watching with hooded eyes as Kolya tortured her. He hadn't been that subdued in the beginning she reflected.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hour and a half earlier

"You will tell me what I want to know," Kolya demanded. "And if you don't it won't matter anyway because I will derive pleasure from seeing you hurt Sheppard."

John shook his head, "Go to hell!"

"Bring it in," Kolya commanded one of his men.

John watched as the soldier brought into the room a case. He opened it for his leader and Kolya removed a metallic cylindrical stick.

Turning to Elizabeth he whispered in her ear, "I hope for your sake he gives in, but I hope for mine he resists." With that he jabbed he in the stomach with the stick. Elizabeth let out a guttural cry and her eyes caught John struggling against his restraints.

"I swear I am going to kill you!" John screamed at Kolya. This seemed to be what Kolya was looking for as he pulled the stick away from her. Elizabeth was panting hard and she winced in pain.

"You can stop this Colonel,"

"Only you can save her from this. If you refuse, this is only the beginning."

Once he said that he rammed the stick back into Elizabeth's side. She screamed out in agony which only caused John to threaten Kolya more. John had soon realized that the more he yelled and threatened, the more satisfaction Kolya was receiving. Once coming to the realization John had kept his mouth shut not wanting to give Kolya the satisfaction of knowing how much it was hurting him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Present

Elizabeth was breathing heavy and her body hurt like crazy, she had never before felt so much pain. She had to keep strong, if only to keep John strong. She knew that if she gave any indication of wanting him to give in that he would do it for her...probably only her. That was half of her problem, she knew John fought to keep her safe not only for her position as Atlantis' leader but also as something more. She needed to tell him, take back all the things she had said to keep him at a distance, the things that had ultimately hurt him. Would she get that chance? Just as she was thinking this, she heard Kolya speak for the first time since telling John that he could stop this. Kolya had continued to shock her, hoping to get John's defenses to crumble but had been unsuccessful in this first attempt.

"Enough for now." the gravely voice boomed.

"I hope this gives you something to think about Sheppard! There are nastier things than this for her in the future. Take them back to their cells but first give them some time together. A last tryst perhaps?" Kolya leered.

The soldiers' unhooked Elizabeth's chains and she fell to the floor, not having enough energy to stand. John couldn't reach her because of his restraints and had to wait until one of Kolya's men unhooked him. As soon as he was free, he was by her side gently lifting her off the floor. Kolya watched in amusement but let Sheppard carry her out of the room.

Elizabeth was still conscious, barely. She could feel every muscle in her body protesting against being used. "John?" she questioned quietly.

"Yeah." he acknowledged.

"Thank you," she paused, "for everything."

He remained silent for the rest of the walk back to his cell. Once inside he placed Elizabeth on the ground as there was no bed, cot or anything. Kolya stepped inside.

"You have 10 minutes; make the most of it because I cannot guarantee you any longer. I will leave you unhooked for this duration as you have no hope of escaping from here." Kolya said before leaving.

John sighed as he looked down at the woman in front of him.

Only ten minutes.


	14. Confessions

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth tried to sit up but she could feel her muscles protesting something severe. Her whole body ached with the pain that had been inflicted on her. The last thing she remembered was someone carrying her back to the cell, John. Where was he? Mere minutes had passed since he had placed her on the floor but it seemed so much longer than that.

"John?" she called out softly, eyes darting around for him.

"Over here." she heard the reply come from the other side of the cell.

Propping herself up against the cold wall she watched as he crawled over towards her. Sitting directly in front of her he reached towards her face and pushed her hair out of her eyes. She caught his eyes and what she saw shocked her. John Sheppard looked defeated.

"John?" she questioned, "What is it?"

"I…We…This is my fault!" he finally choked out. He needed to tell her everything, plead with her to forgive him. Ten minutes had already become eight.

"What sort of military commander am I? I can't even protect the one person in my life that means the most?" he got out slowly.

Elizabeth looked at him helplessly but knew she needed to reassure him that what he did made a difference.

"I tried John; I tried everything I could possibly think of to put you out of my mind. I thought that if I did, my decisions couldn't be influenced by personal feelings. Did it help? No, I still felt everything…" She broke off and gave a cough, inflaming the pain in her middle. John looked at her worriedly.

"I'm okay," Elizabeth whispered to him. "Let me finish?"

When John nodded Elizabeth continued. " I realize now that I was wrong, that pushing you away was wrong. I just needed you to understand that we just can't," she paused.

"It's because of our relationship that we're here now! Our enemy is using it against us," she whispered to him as she reached up to run a hand through his hair. It was the first time she had done it since their night together and it felt right, so right.

"I understand now," John nodded. He knew that as the two commanders of Atlantis that they were extremely vunerable normally but if they were to have a relationship it could only get worse. He realized that enemies such as Kolya would continue to use her against him.

John knew that time was running out for them and even if they got ot of this mess, things couldn't progress between them. For now though, he had to let her know and for the life of him he couldn't find the right words.

"Elizabeth…I…I love you." he finally stammered out. It hadn't been as hard as he had thought to murmur his feelings and he felt a big weight life off his shoulders.

She smiled and said quietly, "I know!"

All of the words John had wanted to say rushed out in one big sentence.

"I can't help it, one day it just appeared, i realised i saw you as more than my boss but I don't think i really realised how much more until now." he finally finished

"Am I making any sense?" he asked.

"Perfect." Elizabeth smiled before grabbing the back of his head and pulling him towards her. Their lips touched and Elizabeth knew that all of her fantasies could never live up to the real thing, could never live up to what she remembered. Deepening the kiss, Elizabeth felt John's hands playing with her curls and she cupped the side of his face, liking how the stubble felt beneath her fingertips.

John knew that this might be the last time he had to hold Elizabeth like this so he took time to memorize the texture of her lips, the feel of her hair and any other fact that he could remember.

Ten minutes had easily passed and John knew Kolya would be back any second to inflict more pain. The only thing left was a confession from Elizabeth, he had told her how he felt but she had never said she reciprocated. He knew she did, but knowing and hearing it were two different things.

A noise behind him caused John to pull back from Elizabeth, her eyes sparkled and her face flushed.

"Time to go, Colonel." Kolya's raspy voice drawled.

"Now!"

Two guards made there way towards John and Elizabeth. John watched as fear sparked in Elizabeth's eyes.

"I'll be okay," he whispered as they grabbed him off the floor.

"Wait," she whispered frantically.

The guards stopped shortly, questioning Elizabeth's words.

She looked up at John, "I..I love you too," she whispered.

A smile lit John's face, one that Elizabeth hadn't seen in a long time. All her reservations seemed insignificant at this second but doubts about their situation still niggled. "Be Safe, John." she let him go after whispering her trademark words.

Licking his lips John allowed the guards to take him out of her cell but hoped he would be seeing her soon.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Atlantis

"We think we have something!" one of the technicians exclaimed excitedly.

Ronon bounded up to him, "What?" he demanded gruffly.

The man looked from Ronon to the approaching Rodney, seeking permission to talk.

"Go ahead." Rodney ordered.

"We think there is a good chance that Colonel Sheppard and Dr Weir are on M4X 887," the technician informed the group.

"And you think this because?" Rodney asked.

"Over the last 24 hours numerous planets have been crossed off the list. M4X 887 is the latest planet we have explored. Major Lorne took a team in a cloaked jumper and what they discovered was extremely interesting."

"Well?" Rodney questioned becoming impatient.

"Genii spies were crawling the countryside. An increased presence of Genii Military was present at a fortress about 5 clicks south of the gate. This is where we think the Colonel and Dr are being held!" the technician finished.

"Good, Good." Rodney mumbled.

"Lets go now!" Ronon broke in suddenly.

"We cannot just go now," Teyla spoke up, "We need more information about the planet and how many Genii we may encounter."

"Teyla's right," Rodney agreed.

"We are way ahead of you Doc." A voice from behind them spoke.

"Major Lorne of what are you speaking?" Teyla questioned.

"When we realized that this planet may be the one we were looking for we used the Jumper to take additional scans of terrain and population. We have a fair idea of what we are up against, I'll show you," Lorne told everybody.

"Its beginning to sound like a plan" Rodney said starting to sound hopeful.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

John was curled up on the floor in his cell going over everything that had happened recently. Hours had passed since he had last seen her but what she said kept repeating in his head. Elizabeth loved him. He just hoped they got out of this and were able to be together. He needed her, would do anything to protect her.

A noise made John move into a sitting position as two guards entered. Unchaining him, John was taken out of the room.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth was uncomfortable. She had again been placed in the chains hanging from the roof of the interrogation room. Still in pain from the last time she was in this room she winced slightly.

A door opened behind her and she waited for whoever it was to make themselves known. She did not have to wait long as two guards pushed John in front of her and chained him back into the seat.

Kolya walked stalked in and stood between them.

"I hope that you are willing to give me answers this time?"

Both John and Elizabeth remained silent.

"Sheppard, if I do not get what I want today, Weir will be the only one not leaving this room." he threatened softly.

John gulped knowing this was not an empty threat. He knew that they would get through this, they just had to remain strong so he shook his head.

"Have it your way then!"

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	15. Desperation

Atlantis

"We believe with a small strike force that we can successfully infiltrate the structure, here." Lorne told the briefing while pointing at papers scattered on the table. A screen had also been set up showing the scans they had taken with the puddle jumper.

"The life signs detectors will help make our infiltration easier as we can avoid patrols." He concluded.

"Okay Okay, When are we planning on doing this?" Rodney questioned.

"Dr McKay, maybe you should stay here!" Lorne told him.

"Stay Here! I need to be there if you need to hack into anything. I...I…I need to be there!" Rodney burst out.

"Okay, Okay!" Lorne agreed with a smirk.

"When do we leave?" Ronon asked abruptly.

"At 0600 tomorrow morning," Lorne told the briefing.

"That's not fast enough." Ronon replied gruffly, "We need to go now!"

"We need the time to gear up and finalize our entry." Lorne told Ronon shortly.

He gave a short nod, showing that he would submit to the startegy.

"Dismissed!"

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Elizabeth shivered as she felt Kolya's hand stroking her face. She shot him her dirtiest look knowing that it probably wouldn't help. John remained silent, not because he wanted to but because he needed to.

"Should I have some fun first?" Kolya taunted him, "Before I harm her?"

John couldn't remain silent any longer, "You son of a bitch!" he roared.

"If you touch her…I will…"

"You'll what?" Kolya asked in an amused tone, "The only thing you can do for her, is give me what I want!"

John glanced from Kolya to Elizabeth and their eyes met. She shook her head slightly and he knew what she was telling him, "No."  
John broke contact, closed his eyes and lowered his head.

Kolya strode over to John and grabbed his hair, yanking his head up to look at him. John expected him to say something but all he did was smile and jab the pain stick into his stomach. John yelled out at the unexpected pain.

Letting his head go, Kolya walked back to Elizabeth and unzipped her jacket. After removing it he turned back to John.

"For your insolence, you will watch everything that is done to her. I will make sure you remember it for the rest of your life. The woman you love will die because of YOU!"

"John…" Elizabeth whispered loudly.

He looked up at her and what she saw in his eyes shocked her to the core, he looked defeated.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Atlantis

The puddle jumper hovered in the gate room as the wormhole was established. Inside the taskforce was decked out in full gear with nothing left to chance. They would only get one shot at this, one shot to save their leaders.

Ronon was pacing anxiously while Lorne piloted and Rodney went through the details of the mission for the tenth time. All members of the task force knew what was on the line and each had been given the choice of remaining behind.

Landing stealthily about half a click south of where their friends were being held the group prepared to storm the keep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth was horrified. Why did John have that look in his eyes?

She didn't have much time to think about it as Kolya rammed the stick into her side repeatedly.

John watched as Elizabeth screamed out in pain. He felt like he was the one doing this to her. He loved her and he hadn't even been able to look after her. He had failed her. What hope did they have of beginning a relationship when he couldn't even protect her. He watched as Kolya pulled the stick away and Elizabeth started whimpering. This was killing him to see her like this.

"Anything Colonel?" Kolya questioned.

John looked at him and shook his head.

"Have it your way." Kolya responded and slowly pulled his knife out of its holster.

Moving towards Elizabeth, John watched as she tried unsuccessfully to move out of his reach. He was going to do it; he was going to kill her in front of him. John knew he had been trained for many horrendous things but nothing could compare to this. His heart was breaking just thinking about it. He didn't want to watch but something compelled him to.

His eyes followed the knife as Kolya's arm slowly rose coming closer to Elizabeth with each second that passed. John watched in horror as his arm came down...


	16. A Change Of Tactics

The knife came down swiftly and pierced Elizabeth's left arm. John watched as she screamed out in pain and guilt clenched inside of him. It was his job to make sure nothing happened to her and he had failed.

Pulling the knife out of Elizabeth's arm Kolya wiped it clean.

"You could have prevented this!" he stated as blood from Elizabeth's arm dripped onto the floor.

"I will do far worse than this if you don't start co-operating," he continued menacingly.

John just glared at him while Elizabeth whimpered in pain.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lorne had organized several important rescue missions during his career but even he had to admit that this one surpassed the others. This mission was to rescue the two leaders of the most important expedition in the history of human kind and he needed to succeed.

Silently signaling to the members of the rescue team, he told them to move in. Reading the life signs detector the team quickly and easily disabled several guards. So far, it had been easier than they had expected. Checking the hand held again, Lorne tried to ascertain where Colonel Sheppard and Dr Weir were being held. The detector was showing him a room about a hundred metres away, guards standing outside it but what fascinated him the most was the dots inside the room. They'd found them!

"What? What is it?" a loud voice broke the silence.

Lorne turned sharply to look at McKay.

"We think we've found them." He whispered before signaling them to keep quiet.

Giving the team military hand signals, he instructed them on what they were going to do.

Ronon strode ahead ignoring the signals; he knew that they needed to find them now!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

John felt his stomach clench as guilt rushed through him. He glanced at Elizabeth, catching her eyes he could see her fear and her pain. It was because of him that she was going through this. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand he was letting the woman he loved suffer something no one should, but on the other he couldn't give up his friends and his home. As hard, as it was John knew he had to remain silent, to protect the others even if he could not protect her.

"Times up Colonel…What is your decision?" Kolya rasped menacingly.

"I…WON'T…HELP…YOU!" John yelled back at him.

"You would sacrifice her?" Kolya shot back, grabbing Elizabeth and pulling her around to face John.

"I…I…" John stammered before shutting his mouth.

"I see you have made you decision…" Kolya sneered evilly before turning his back to John.

"Torturing her doesn't seem to be effecting you, maybe I should change my tactics?" he voice echoed.

John stared at his back in shock, not effecting him? This was destroying him! John knew that if he was free that he would kill Kolya with his bare hands just for touching Elizabeth.

John heard a tearing sound and hoped that it was not what he thought it was.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  



	17. Giving In?

Fear started to ball in John's stomach as the tearing sound continued. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he let Kolya touch her! The only alternative was to give him the information he wanted but even then her safety wasn't guaranteed. Blinking back his frustration, he knew he still couldn't give up his friends.

"J...J... John," Elizabeth's voice stammered out.

Her helplessness was his undoing.

"I'll tell you," he shouted out in a panicked tone.

Kolya just turned and smirked.

"Tell me?"

"An exchange. Her life for the information. If you send her back to Atlantis, you can keep me and i will help you. You can do what you want but only if you send her back!" John told Kolya adamantly.

Kolya's head tilted to the side, contemplating the offer.

John opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he heard a familiar noise. Elation rushed through him for just a moment but ended abruptly when he caught the cruel look glinting in Kolya's eye.

A guard walked up to Kolya and whispered something in his ear.

"It sounds as if your friends are attempting to rescue you…"

John felt despair fill him as he realized that the rescue team might not be in time. That Kolya might kill Elizabeth, leaving him to watch only minutes before his team arrived.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elizabeth knew that her people were coming but would they reach them fast enough? She admitted to herself that she was scared of what Kolya might do in these last moments before the rescue team arrived. John had offered himself in exchange for her life, her stomach knotted and she knew that given the chance she wouldn't have let him.

She knew that there was a possibility that he would kill John or even her to exact his revenge. That's what scared her the most because if John died she didn't know if she would cope.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Shouts were heard from nearby and hope began to rise within John, it was nearly over!

Kolya turned and stalked over to him, "She won't be leaving here!" he whispered.

"You will remember this for the rest of your life, the woman you love died because of you!" he finished menacingly

John growled, "No!"

"Killing you, the pain lasts moments. Killing her, it will last an eternity!"

'No!' a voice inside his head screamed. Not now, not when they were so close to being free. His eyes darted around and connected with Elizabeth's, she could see it in his eyes.

She mouthed, 'I love you'.

This only served to break his heart even more, they had only just found each other and she was going to be taken from him. Pulling against the restraints he tried to free himself, knowing that in the end it would be futile but he had to try.

Looking up he watched in horror as Kolya raised the knife again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ronon pounded down the corridors, he didn't try to be silent anymore as the Genii knew they were there. He knew that Kolya would kill them if he didn't reach them first. Lorne and the others were right behind him taking out Genii.

"Which way?" Ronon called out roughly.

"Straight ahead, they should be at the end of this corridor," Lorne panted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Kolya plunged the knife into Elizabeth's mid section and she screamed out in agony.

"When I get free, I will tear you to pieces!" John screamed out.

Kolya just smiled and pulled the knife back out.

John watched as Elizabeth's blood dripped onto the floor, her red shirt becoming stained. She looked down at it and then to John, a look of regret plastered to her face.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered just loud enough for him to hear, "…for pushing you away. I didn't want to. I…just wish we had more time…that…night was so…beautiful," she finished slowly.

John shook his head, where were they?

As if reading his mind the door to the room was smashed in.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ronon burst into the room and quickly took out the guards. Following closely; Teyla, Lorne and McKay ran in.

"Oh My God!" McKay breathed as he took in the scene before him.

Elizabeth was hanging limply from her chains while John was struggling fiercely against his. Kolya on the other hand was leaning against the wall smirking.

"Stay where you are!" Lorne directed at Kolya while his men secured him.

Ronon released John, while McKay and Teyla tried to bring Elizabeth down.

John jumped up and ran to Elizabeth's side. Kneeling next to her, he felt her pulse. It was there! Turning around, John grabbed McKay's pistol and stood in front of Kolya.

"She won't survive!" Kolya leered.

"She…" he started but didn't get a chance to finish as John pulled the trigger.

It hadn't felt as good as what he had wished but satisfying nonetheless. Handing the gun to Teyla he turned wuickly to where Elizabeth lay.

Scooped her up into his arms, he looked at his team.

"We need to go now!" He rasped out.

The trip back to the jumper was slower than he had hoped but hopefully fast enough. John just preyed the entire time back that they weren't going to be too late.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………


	18. Too Late?

The others watched on in silence as John cradled an unconscious Elizabeth back to Atlantis. Carson had been alerted to the situation and was standing by with a team in the jumper bay.

John's silence and the look of fear and regret in his eyes had kept the jumper quiet. No one had asked any questions instead they set about getting to Atlantis as soon as possible. Most of Atlantis's personel had some inkling about their commanders. They had all noticed the fierce way the Colonel looked out for the Dr, the way in which they stood extremely close together and the looks in which they exchanged. Most acknowledged that one without the other just wouldn't work.

Ronan watched Sheppard as he sat cradling Elizabeth. He knew that something had been happening between them at the ruins but both had acted as if it were nothing. He could see the pain etched on John's face right now and Ronan knew that he might not have been fast enough.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Before the jumper had even landed in the bay, John was at the rear hatch with Elizabeth.

'Come on…Come on!' he chanted over and over in his head. He needed to get her to Beckett now! He couldn't lose her now, not when they had almost found each other.

Almost.

That word echoed through his head. She had said she loved him, and he loved her. Things should be simple right? He shook his head gaining looks from his team. Things were never simple when it came to Elizabeth and himself, they never had been. He didn't know where they would be if she hadn't have been injured.

If none of this had happened, they would still be going around in circles denying what they felt. It had taken this extreme situation for them to verbally accept what they already knew. What would happen when everything was back to normal?

His thoughts were cut short by the Jumper hatch lowering and Beckett wheeling the bed towards them. Placing her gently down, he started getting angry when the medical staff seemed to be taking to long wheeling her down to the infirmary. Grabbing it himself he started pushing it, ignoring the shouts for him to stop. He couldn't stop though, he needed to get her to the infirmary. Only there would she be safe, would she get better.

Two guards stepped in front of him. "Sir, you need to stop."

He could hear footsteps running up behind him, a hand touched his shoulder.

"I'll take her from here." Carson told him quietly before quickly starting to wheel Elizabeth again. Turning around John let out a loud frustrated howl and punched his fist into the wall.

"Sheppard!" Ronan called out.

"I'm all right." he choked out.

"We need to get you to the infirmary aswell," Teyla's quiet voice reached him.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

John paced the infirmary for the umpteenth time. Carson had had her in surgery for an hour now and he was starting to get anxious. He didn't know what was happening and that's what unnerved him.

"Colonel?" the doctor in question called out.

Turning sharply John's eyes found Carson who was standing in the infirmary doorway.

"Doc?" he questioned quietly.

Beckett sighed, which John took as a bad sign.

Stalking up to the Doctor, John stood just inches away from him. "Is she alright?"

Carson looked up at him and nodded, "Yes, we patched her up. Any longer and I wouldn't have been able to guarantee anything. She will be brought back in here soon, then you can see her."

John looked at Carson for a moment before grabbing him in a hug, "I owe you big."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Hours later John was seated beside Elizabeth's bed. The various tubes coming out of her unnerved him. Every few minutes his eyes darted to the monitor just to make sure her heart was still going. It had been too close this time. He was going to make her see that they couldn't waste another moment.

Now all that needed to happen was for her to wake.


	19. Figuring It Out

A month had passed since they had been rescued! A full month of recovery, physically and emotionally.John leant against the balcony rail just looking out to sea. Elizabeth had returned to work today, personally he had thought it was too soon but she overruled him.

He had been by her side the entire time she recovered, talking about everything and nothing. Never once thoughhad they approached the subject of them. John knew that he loved her and would do anything for her. It had been the last two months that had put it into perspective for him. He still didn't really know how she felt, had her confession of love been real or something that happened in the heat of the moment when both of them had thought it was the end?

Everything was a mess. A complete and utter...

He heard the balcony doors open, "I thought I'd find you here!" a soft voice exclaimed.

Turning his eyes took in Elizabeth Weir, from head to toe. Dark curly hair to military standard boots. She was gorgeous, he thought as she reached his side.

"Hey. How is everything?" He asked her.

"Nothing's changed." she replied smirking, "I still have scientists after me and a stack of paper work to get through."

Clearing his throat, John knew he had to approach the subject that until now had been taboo. "Elizabeth?"

"Hmm?" she replied absently.

"Where are we?" he asked quietly.

The question got her attention and she frowned slightly, "I'm not sure what you mean,"

Turning quickly to invade her personal space, he heard her intake of breath. "I love you!" he whispered close to her ear, "Where does that leave us?"

"I don't know?" she murmured against his chest.

"Do you love me?" he questioned her, moving his head back so that he could search her eyes. John didn't know if he actually wanted to know the answer.

"I…I…Yes" she finally agreed. Relief coursed through him and a cocky smile started to light up his face.

Noticing this Elizabeth continued knowing what she had to say would take the smile right off his face.

"It doesn't matter John. Everything still exists. The same danger and the same command problems!"

"Are you saying you want me to give up on us? on this?" he argued his face losing the previous moments joy.

"NO." she disagreed vehemently, "Not give up, just wait. Now isn't our time." she whispered before reaching up to stroke his cheek with her fingers.

Leaning into her touch, John moved in and captured her lips with his own. He needed this contact with her, had missed it. The way Elizabeth was responding proved that she had missed it too.

Breaking away, she was breathing heavily, "Your making it harder than it should be."

"How? I want to be with you! Be able to touch you and tell everyone that your mine." John claimed possessively.

"It has to be this way, for now." Stepping away from him was hard but she knew she had to do it.

"I love you." she whispered.

He closed his eyes briefly as if it were an effective way of blocking the pain. "I know now."

Elizabeth watched his face as he contemplated his next words.Johns face showed fierce determination and she was curious to know why.

"I will be with you!" he vowed.

Turning and walking off the balcony was the hardest thing she had ever had to do but if she stayed she would give in. give into what they both wanted but couldn't have...just yet. She would have to love him from afar and in secret until their time came.

"Elizabeth?" Johns voice caused her to turn.

"I won't let you down again."

"You've never let me down!" she replied honestly before returning to her office.

John watched her leave. He knew that loving her at a distance and in secret would be hard and painful. Not being able to express his feelings for her, not being able to touch her and not being able to claim her wouldbe astrain on his self control buthis years in the military would help him. His feelings for her would have to be buried again but one day they would be free and he would be able to show the world.

The End

A.N: I was thinking of a sequel?  



	20. AN:

AN: I have started a sequel to this story, its called Turbulence. Please read it, I'm not sure if it's the direction I want to go. Review and tell me what you think!


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